Pure Ecstasy
by Boann
Summary: Alan has had enough of being treated like a kid and resorts to a method of escape that ultimately threatens his life.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello again everyone! Hope your holiday season was fun and safe. **

**An experience involving a close friend spurred me to write this story. I'd like to take this oppurtunity to warn you all that later chapters do contain drug use, so if you are offended by this kind of material,I advise you not to read it. Thankyou all who read/reviewed Abduction (and don't worry, I'm no where near finished with that fic, so keep your eyes open!).I hope you will be able to see an improvement in my writing and enjoy this new Thunderbird fic!**

**Lots of love, Boann!**

"_Bottom line Alan! You need to grow up!"_

"_I hate you!"_

"_You need to grow up…"_

"_I hate you…"_

"You need to grow up…" 

_Alan Tracy, son of billionaire ex astronaut Jeff Tracy_

_Alan Tracy, Thunderbird_

_Alan Tracy…_

"Tracy!"

Alan jolted awake to a voice. Jolted back into the reality he didn't want to face.

It was a Saturday afternoon and Alan lay sprawled out on the grass of the soccer oval at Wharton Academy.

"Yo, Tracy, you ok?"

It took a few seconds for Alan to realise the voice was speaking to him, "Um, what?"

He looked up to see a boy with short brown hair and gleaming chestnut eyes. Alan knew him as Will Carpenter. Will was Alan's year and captain of the soccer club, though the two didn't talk to each other often.

Will knelt down beside him, "Are you ok?" he asked in a concerned voice

"Yeah, I'm fine, why?" replied Alan

Will looked Alan over, "I came to set up for practise and you were lying here. Just wondered if you'd collapsed or something. It is really hot today, you shouldn't be exposing yourself to the sun like this"

It was at Will's comment that Alan realised how hot he was, "Um, yeah, thanks" he got to his feet with Will's help and brushed himself down.

"Come on," said Will, "Sit down in the shelter and cool off"

Alan followed him and sat in the small shelter the sports teams often returned to during half time. It felt much more pleasant in the cool shade.

"What were you doing out there in the first place, Tracy?" asked Will, picking up a stack of cones and setting them out for soccer practise a few metres away

Alan shrugged, not really knowing himself, "I guess I needed to think. Get away from people for a while. I didn't really mean to fall asleep"

Will flashed a smile, "Well you sure gave me a heart attack"

"Sorry" said Alan sheepishly, "And thanks"

"No problem" was Will's reply, "But just out of curiosity, was there a particular reason you wanted to bake yourself out there?"

Immediately Alan's thoughts were steered to the very thing he was trying not to think about. The one fateful mission that had sent everything askew.

A perilous mission involving an earthquake in Tokyo.

An obstacle the Thunderbirds had faced.

Alan's attempt to work around it, recklessly endangering his brothers and victims of the earthquake. It had almost failed if it weren't for Fermat's quick thinking.

His father's lecture had been the worst of it all. Alan felt like he had failed his own family. But at the same time, he argued against Jeff's scolding for attempting his plan. It might've worked and he was certain that if someone like Scott or John had attempted it, they wouldn't be receiving this lecture. Both his and his father had brought out their stubborn streak and Alan was still bitter about the incident. Although he had remained friends with Fermat, he still held a bitter jealousy towards the blue spectacled genius, and often found excuses to be alone.

"Oh just…family stuff. Really boring, really stupid" he replied lightly

Will looked up at him, "And at the same time it makes you so mad?"

Alan was surprised, "Yeah, exactly"

"You wonder if this issue is worth dwelling on, but at the same time, you want your opinion to be heard"

Alan nodded and gave a disbelieving laugh, "How do you know all this?"

Will shrugged, "Experience. And I have a lot of friends who have been through that"

"Well, the fact that someone knows how I'm feeling really helps" Alan looked at the ground sadly, "Its more than anyone else has"

His dad had been angry. Scott had been cold. Virgil had acted like he wasn't there. John had given him the 'just focus next time and everything will be ok' speech. Gordon tried to show sympathy, but he had failed to make it better, his jokes only reminding Alan of what had happened. Fermat had been annoying. Tintin had been frustratingly cheerful to him, trying to make him forget.

Will noticed his melancholy mood and walked over to him, "Maybe all you need is people to talk to" he said, crouching next to him, "Why don't you hang with me and my mates tonight. We kind of have a get together in one of our dorms every Saturday night. Just chilling, listening to music, having a convo. Might be good for you"

Standing up, Alan didn't see why not, "Yeah, that'd be cool"

Will smiled and gave him a pat on the back, "See you at eight. Dorm 46"

Alan nodded his thanks and meandered back to his dorm. Turning the electronic key and opening the door, he was surprised to see Fermat sitting on his bench, talking to his watch.

Fermat looked up, then back down at the watch, "Gotta go, I'll talk later" he said, logging off

"Who was that?" asked Alan suspiciously

"N…n…no one" replied Fermat

Alan knew his friend too well. His stutter meant he was anxious-or hiding something. "You don't have to hide it from me Fermat, its pretty obvious it was someone at home"

"It was j…j…I was getting some i…i…tips off Scott for my physics assignment" stuttered Fermat, returning to his desk and getting out his books.

"A physics assignment? You're doing that on a Saturday afternoon?" asked Alan sceptically

Fermat shrugged, "I don't like to waste time"

"And I do is that what you're saying?" Alan shot back defensively, crossing his arms over his chest. He knew that Fermat hadn't meant that, but the urge to pick a fight was overpowering that knowledge

"N…n…no" stammered Fermat

"Gee thanks," said Alan curtly

He strode into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He gritted his teeth angrily as he ran a cold shower. Stripping down and standing under the cool jet of water, he tried to release the tense muscles in his shoulders, on which so much had been beared this past week.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey everyone! Thanks to those who reviewed! I know this story starts off a bit slow, butI promise it will pick up, so don't go away!**

**Boann**

After dinner, at which he barely spoke to Fermat, pushing his food endlessly around his plate, Alan made his way outside. The air was much cooler now and a full moon had replaced the burning sun, making everything seem so tranquil. He walked towards a block of dormitories situated quite far from the main classrooms and knocked on the door of dorm 46. After a few seconds there was no reply and for a moment Alan thought he was at the wrong place. He was just about to turn and leave when the door opened and a buff boy with blonde hair and a strong jaw wearing a black tank top leaned on the doorframe, "What do you want?" he asked rather gruffly

"Um, is Will around?" asked Alan nervously, beginning to think he was _definitely_ at the wrong place

Suddenly Will appeared in the doorway, "Tracy!" he exclaimed, "Sorry, I didn't recognise your voice from in here. It's ok Ben, its Alan Tracy, the kid I was telling you about earlier"

Ben looked Alan up and down before shrugging, "Sorry, we get a few bad asses snooping around this block, trying to cause trouble"

"Don't worry about it" said Alan

"Come on in" said Will

Ben stepped aside to let Alan through and then shut the door behind him. Alan saw three beds with about five people lying, sitting or leaning on them. Ben went and sat backwards on a chair and Will stood behind Alan.

"Ok, introductions" he announced. He pointed to a guy with black hair with blue lens sunnies resting on his head, "That's Don Mitchell, next to him is James Taylor" James raised his hand as a hello and ran the hand through his blonde curls in a self conscious way. "You've already met Ben, behind him is Leo Walsh, Pete Sanders and Conner Harvard"

Alan smiled his hello to them each.

Will plonked himself down on one of the beds, "Make yourself at home Tracy"

"Here Alan, take a seat" smiled Pete, his long brown curls bouncing as he moved over

"Thanks" said Alan

"So, Tracy, what brings you to the west side dorms?" asked Don

Alan shrugged, "New times, new company. Will invited me over so I thought why not"

"Yeah, Will's told us a bit about you" nodded Don knowingly

Alan was slightly unnerved, "How much?"

"Just that you're experiencing something we all have and could use a bit of help," said Ben, folding both arms and hanging them over the back of the chair

Alan raised an eyebrow, "I didn't come here for a sympathy vote," he said

"Course you didn't" said Conner sincerely, adjusting the red baseball cap he wore backwards, "But if you wanna talk, that's cool"

"Yeah c'mon Tracy, spill us your life story" grinned Don, who by now Alan could tell was, besides Will, the most confident of the group

Alan again felt self conscious, "Um, its not that big. Just been having a rough time with my family lately that's all"

"Your Dad is Jeff Tracy, the astronaut right?" asked Leo, with a cocky smile

Alan nodded

Leo gave a low whistle, "Bet that's a hard set of footsteps to follow"

Alan smiled, "Tell me about it, I've got four older brothers on top of that"

"Holy crap, no wonder you got problems, man" said Don, "Ben's in the same stick as you, he's got three older brothers and ones managed to get into professional football"

"Ben started to buff himself up to handle the competition, didn't you Ben?" said Will

Ben nodded, "Yep, stopped a year ago after a did myself in. Ended up in hospital. 'Overexertion' they called it. My parents shipped me out here to get away from it all. My dad's been coaching elite football teams since he was twenty"

Will nodded, "Leo over there, his dad died a little while back. We helped him keep going"

"That's right" nodded Leo, "Great bunch this lot, really supported me when I felt like I was gonna crash and burn"

"So what's your line then Alan?" asked Ben, "Not following your fathers footsteps as well as he wants? Brothers giving you a hard time?"

Alan shook his head, "No not really. Its just…" he paused, trying to think of a way to explain without giving anything away, "I've just joined my dad's…business…and its kind of new for me. I try different things in…emergency… situations or I try and pitch in but it always feels like I'm not wanted, like I'm nothing but a fly for them to swat, like I'm nothing but a kid"

He paused. "Last break I did something that could possibly have caused some damage because it was radical and it failed by the slightest bit and everyone else had to pick up after me. Dad was so mad and all the others are giving me a cold shoulder. My friend Fermat is involved in helping as well because his dad works for my dad. And no matter how much I try to do something right, its like I'm shoved out of the way because his plans are better. So I can't even talk to him about it"

"And it seems that everything he says or does makes you feel or appear like an idiot to everyone else?" asked Conner

Alan nodded, "Exactly"

There was a pause as they all took this in.

Finally Will said, "Don't worry Tracy, we're here for you. We're gonna help you through this and hopefully get a chance to get a different taste of life"

"Yeah" said Pete, "We'll save your day!" he jumped up and adopted a hero-like pose, making the others chuckle

"Think of us like…the Thunderbirds!" said Don, making Alan jump slightly, "We're your rescue service"

"Yeah!" cried Pete, still not finished, "Thunderbirds are go!"

At that moment Ben jumped up and pushed him, making him topple off the bed.

"Crash and burn more like!" exclaimed Conner amongst the laughter

Pete retorted by snatching the cap off his head and chucking it across to Leo, who threw it to Will

"Hey man! Not cool!" called Conner, trying to snatch his cap back

"Hey Alan, catch!" called Will

Alan caught the red cap and looked at it in his hands. On it was the Thunderbird logo.


	3. Chapter 3

**Fanfic Fish-glad you like it so far. Trust me when I tell you this is only the beginning! I'm glad you've also taken to my other characters. Sometimes adding too many original characters turns people off because they think it takes away from the main characters, which we're supposed to be concentrating on, yeh so like I said-BIG RELIEF! All of the boys are around Alan's age, so about 15.**

**Jnr Cpl Nottingham-thanks for your review! If you like this, you should read my other story "Abduction" ;) (Not that I'm advertising or anything lol)**

**Destiny Lil-glad you like the story, please keep reading and let me know what you think!**

**Luv Boann xoxo**

The next few days went like a blur for Alan. And before he knew it, those days had turned into weeks. Throughout that time, he hung out with Will, Ben, Pete, Leo, Conner, Don and James, who made him feel happier than ever. The group were inseparable, always laughing. Over time, Alan felt he could open up to them, even Ben, who at a first glance would look like he'd rather beat you up than be patient and listen to your problems.

Alan did feel guilty at leaving Fermat most of the time, and eventually invited Fermat to join him one night and come and meet the gang. But Fermat's refusal had left him believing this friend thought himself too good to hang out with Alan's new friends.

Alan noticed himself being a lot happier. He felt relaxed and even got along with Fermat well enough. But throughout this, Alan constantly avoided his family. If Gordon called on the weekends, he would merely say he was busy or didn't hear the call (even when he was standing right next to the telecom in their dorm). Despite his newfound friends, the bitterness remained and Alan found himself dreading the upcoming summer holidays.

One Friday afternoon, Alan was on his way out of his geography class when his teacher Mr Bates called him back

"Yes Mr Bates" said Alan, standing in front of the teacher's desk

"Mr Tracy, you've never been an outstanding student in my class, but nevertheless I have been happy with your work over the course of the year" said Mr Bates, looking over the top of his thin glasses to look at Alan, "However, your last essay was very disappointing. Your explanation of earthquakes was very confusing and lacked detail. I think you may have gotten confused. I managed to give you a passing score, but anything less than this would have given you a fail for this assignment"

Mr Bates stood up to stand over Alan, "I strongly suggest you spend a bit more time on this subject Mr Tracy, maybe ask your brothers to help you. I remember teaching Scott as a boy in another secondary school almost a decade ago, he was excellent at this. Perhaps it would be wise to consult him"

Alan's cheeks burned at this humiliation, but he nodded, "Yes sir" he murmured

Mr Bates nodded him to leave and once Alan was outside, he kicked the wall in anger.

"What did the wall ever do to you?"

Alan spun around to see Don walked over to him, "Nothing" he said quickly

"You alright?" asked Don with a frown, "You look all hot and bothered"

It was true. Alan's cheeks were flushed and he was breathing hard.

"It's stupid, don't worry," he muttered, walking towards the dorms

Don caught up to him, "Hey c'mon, your problem is my problem, what's eating you?"

It all came out in a rush, "Stupid Mr Bates giving me crap about a stupid geography assignment, saying that I didn't understand anything. And then he had the nerve to bring up Scott and what a model student he was when Mr Bates taught him! Then he told me that 'it would be wise' to consult him!"

Alan continued to walk harder and faster, yet Don still kept up the pace, "Just for once I'd like to be given the liberty of being out of my brother's shadows! Just for once, I'd like to forget everything and be able to relax and get on with life at my own pace and not the pace my brothers set for me!"

Exhausted, Alan stopped and leant against the building's wall. He forbid the tears welling in his eyes to fall as he slid down the wall and sat down.

Don sat beside him and after a moment spoke, "I've never told you my problem have I? The reason I started hanging with this group?"

Sighing, Alan shook his head.

"I had your problem," said Don, "Two brothers, almost ten years between us. My mum wanted all of us to be the same. Same schools, same childhood, same path. Turned out that this path didn't suit me, but it suited my brothers to a tee. Eventually I got so fed up with the crap I got from my teachers about never being as good as my brothers and hearing my mothers voice telling me that I was a failure. In the end…I attempted suicide"

Alan looked up at Don, shocked, "Why?"

Don shrugged, "I thought it was the only way to escape. The only thing I could do to fix things, to find peace"

"So what happened?" asked Alan, eager to know more about this dark side of life Don experienced

"Will and I were really close mates and he caught me in the act. Told me to get a grip and to keep fighting. I thought it was a waste of time. But Will was patient. Anytime I wanted to talk he was there. He gave me a second chance at life. A chance to be able to deal with things with a clear head and positivity. He gave me an escape" Don turned to Alan, "Which I think is what you need right now"

"How do you mean?" asked Alan

"Come with me" said Don

He led Alan to Dorm 46 and knocked on the door. Will opened it, still in his uniform.

Don answered his questioning looks, "Alan needs an escape" he said simply

Will nodded and ushered them inside. He closed the door just as Ben came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, revealing a toned chest and arms.

"What's going on?" he asked

"Escape plan" said Will, "Take a seat" he told Alan, who sat down on one of the beds.

"Alan, you've been with us for a long time now. We all consider you as one of us now and you've proved that you can return the kindness any of us shows you. The thing is, we've all been in the same boat before, and many of us are still in that boat. But, if you'll let me keep to the simile, we have a way to stop that boat sinking. Its something Wharton Academy seriously frowns upon and must be kept of the uttermost secrecy. Before I show it to you, I need your promise that you can keep this secret, even if you refuse to participate"

Alan paused, then nodded, "Yeah, I promise," he said firmly

Will nodded and stood up, opening the drawer of the wardrobe and rummaging around in it, "You need an escape. Something to give you a break and be able to focus clearly"

He finished his rummaging and came to sit back down next to Alan. He handed him a small coin bag. Inside it were small white pills.

"Will what is this?" asked Alan nervously, dreading the answer

Will raised his eyebrows in reply, which confirmed Alan's suspicions.

"I'm sorry," Alan panicked, "I can't," he held out the bag back to Will

"Alan, it's not as bad as it looks" assured Will

"Was this what you had in mind the whole time?" asked Alan, "Get me in your group then turn me into some kind of druggy?"

"No Alan!" said Will, "This is your decision. We want to help you out and this is just a method we're offering you"

Alan paused, "How does it help you?"

"It dulls the pain," replied Don from where he stood against the wall, "It gives you a chance to relax and think clearly, rather than trying to fight the whole world. Its what saved me"

Alan was sceptical and he looked at the package in his hand. His dad had given him many a lecture on drug use and he'd grown up with the negative stereotype of drug users. Yet he longed for the chance to forget. He longed for the chance to relax. He was torn.

"Look, I know what you're thinking," said Will gently, "Drugs are bad and they can kill you"

Alan looked up at him to see him shake his head, "Some do, especially if you don't know how to handle them. Me, Don, Ben, Pete and Leo know what we're doing. This helped us and the last thing we want to see is you hurt yourself by using this incorrectly. We'll help you out. Heck, if you don't like it, you can stop. Ecstasy isn't addictive, it's an escape"

Alan looked down at the small bag in his hands. The pills looking so dangerous, but at the same time so inviting. His father's voice thundered inside his head, _'Alan, don't. You're giving into something you may not be able to escape from. Would you go against me, against everything I've taught you?' _

But at the same time another voice said, _'Why not? I've tried everything. If I don't do something about this, I won't be able to cope with anything else. Will and the boys are my best mates, they'll look after me. And if I don't like it, I stop, simple as that…'_

In the end, he looked up at Will, "Will anyone notice?" he asked

Will shook his head, "Not if you take it correctly and don't let them see the pills. It isn't like weed, so they cant smell it"

Alan nodded, "Ok" he said, "I'll give it a go"


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry about the delays everyone, I haven't been able to write as much lately because of work. Anyway, thankyou to all who reviewed Chapter 3;**

**Thowra angel- wondering what Alan's reaction will be? Then read this chapter! Although over time you will see how Alan comes to be affected by the drug at home, so please keep reading! I'm also glad you approved the way I described Alan's feelings. I must admit, it was easier to do so in this story than Abduction.**

**eponinehugo- _might_ get on your fav's list? Come on! Hopefully this chapter will sway you to list me! Thanks for your review!**

**Cenna-Thanks for that, please keep reading and tell me what you think!**

**MaeAnn-Thanks for the tip MaeAnn, and i'm glad your enjoying my story! Cheers!**

**Lorency-yep, he's serious all right. And because Alan trusts Will, he's gonna go through with it, let me know what you think...**

**Fanfic Fish- Yeah, having an older brother would be hard, but having 4! I don't have any older siblings myself, but I've seen what kind of pressure younger siblings are put under to uphold their brother/ sister's record. I really enjoyed writing about Alan's feelings in this one and I'm really glad you like it! Please keep reviewing!**

**Saucer Eyes- I never actually considered Fermat being the one to help Alan out of this in the end. Personally I like to concentrate on the Tracy family, and they've definately got some issues to sort out I think you'll agree. But thanks for the thought, I hope you keep reading!**

**Moonlightbear- I'm really glad you're enjoying it, and your enthusiastic feedback is always welcome!**

**Grumpy Magrat- Yes, very BAD ALAN. But you know Alan, he's stubborn and I think it'll be a while before he realises he's made a mistake. I'm glad that, coming from someone who has older siblings, you liked my expression of Alan's feelings. Thanks for your review!**

**Lillehafrue-I don't think that Will and the boys actually know what they're doing is wrong. They're really loyal bunch who wouldn't wish any harm on anyone, but along the way have listened to the wrong advice and think that using drugs is ok. I'm glad you like the way I expressed his feelings-can't wait for your next review!**

**Cicilianna-uh-oh, its too lates for Alan I'm afraid, but heres your next chapter anyway!**

**Fried Eeyore- yeah I guess you could call Ben one of those hot guys lol. In my mind he is pretty buff, short blonde hair and a long, strong face, but thats just my picture of him. Glad you reviewed, please tell me what you think of this next chapter!**

**Hope i havent forgotten anyone! There were so many reviews! Thank you all so much!**

**Boann**

The next evening, around eight, Alan followed Don to dorm 46. Will had suggested that Alan's first experience should take place that night, so they'd have the whole night and next day to keep an eye on him.

When he reached the dorm, all of the others were there and greeted him like nothing out of the ordinary. Alan was both relieved and surprised. James was still quiet, Pete was his silly self and Will was as warm and friendly as ever. Alan appreciated that they were making things as comfortable as possible for him, but at the same time, their behaviour made him feel nervous.

At about nine, Will began to do the honours. Everyone noticed him bring out the little bag, but no one reacted. Alan noticed Will hand a pill to Leo and Conner; after which the two disappeared into the bathroom, for water, Alan guessed. Then Will came over to him and gestured for him to come into the bathroom as well. Don gave Alan a small smile as he got up and followed Will.

When he entered the bathroom, Leo and Conner were crushing their paper cups and throwing them into the small bin. Leo smiled at Alan when he saw him, "Stay cool Al, you'll be so grateful for this in a few hours"

He and Conner left Will and Alan alone after that.

Will handed him a cup of water, "You still ok about this?" he asked casually

Alan nodded, "Do I take it like a normal pill?"

Will returned the nod, handing him a small pill, "It'll kick in after about half an hour. First timers usually experience stronger effects than people who are used to it, but don't worry, we'll be keeping an eye on you. It's only ever a few of us who take a rush each time, so the rest can look after the others"

This made Alan feel slightly more comfortable. He popped the pill in his mouth and took a gulp of water…and that was it. Alan sighed the breath he hadn't realised he's been holding and gave Will a quick smile.

Will pat him on the back and then left. Crushing and disposing of his cup, Alan followed him out and took his usual position on one of the beds. For a while, Alan joined in with the usual conversation and forgot about the drug altogether. It wasn't until about nine thirty when Leo stretched and said how good he felt that Alan realised that for the first time in a long time he felt…strangely exhilarated.

He felt free; like he could breathe without worrying about breathing in too much air. All anxiety disappeared and was replaced with positive feelings.

"Hey Al," grinned Pete, noticing the look on his face, "How do you feel?"

Alan tried to talk, but he didn't know what to say, how to explain what he was feeling. Instead he just grinned, then began to laugh softly.

Don smiled at him, "Ok, I think its working" he chuckled

Leo and Conner both started chuckling as well and soon Alan was laughing so hard he would have fallen off the bed if Ben hadn't caught him.

"I need to get some air," Alan gasped, suddenly feeling very hot inside the room

"We'll come with you," said Leo, as he and Conner followed him out. Will and Ben came outside with them too, to keep an eye on them, Alan suspected.

He sighed as he sat with his back against the wall, enjoying the cool night breeze on his face. The sprinklers were on nearby; the wind occasionally blowing the water softly in their direction, which to Alan was pure bliss.

"Does anyone else feel like flying?" he asked aloud

Will gave him a small smile, "I take it you're satisfied then Tracy?"

Alan 'mm'd his reply

He looked up at Leo and Conner to see what they were doing. The boy's eyes were wide as they looked at the sprinklers. Leo caught Alan's eye and indicated towards them.

Before Will or Ben could react, the three boys took off, hurling themselves into the water, cheering and yelling.

Alan spun around in circles, feeling the water soak through his clothes. Conner was running and waving his shirt in the air, which to Leo and Alan was hilarious. Alan felt like he'd never had so much fun. He'd never heard or seen things so clearly; it was like a sixth sense.

Suddenly someone grabbed his arm and tugged him away, making him slip on the wet grass. Alan burst out laughing as he slid on the ground like soap on a wet shower floor.

He heard Will, who it turned out had been the one to grab him, cry "Shit!" as he slipped too, joining Alan on the ground. Alan was in stitches at the sight of his friend trying to regain his footing. Suddenly more hands were on him, pulling him and Will upright. It appeared that all the others had come outside, wondering what all the commotion had been about. Alan was still giggling as they led him back inside the dorm and lay him on one of the beds.

The last thing Alan felt like doing was sleeping, so he thought it would be funny to try and roll off the bed. Hands held him before he could, which did nothing but encourage his new game.

"Alan, God damn it, stop rolling about!" exclaimed Don, who was still smiling at the sight of his friend.

Alan chuckled as Ben, Will and Don, who were standing over him, tried to lie him the right way up on the bed. But Alan wasn't having any of it. They looked so funny trying to control him. They must have given up because Will had gone into the bathroom and the others had stopped trying to get his head on the pillow. Suddenly something cold and wet was on his forehead, being held there by Will.

_When did he come back? _Alan wondered

"What are you doing?" he laughed

"You're hot Alan" said Will

Alan found his serious tone hilarious, "Why thankyou, so are you" he grinned, grabbing Will's shirt and pulling him down so that his lips touched his. When Will pulled away, Alan's giggles started again.

"Just leave him man" said Don, "First timer issues"

Alan's cheeks were sore from smiling and he was soaking wetbut he didn't care. He no longer dreaded getting up everyday. He no longer dreaded the summer holidays. Instead he felt like life was totally worth facing. He wanted to laugh, he wanted to run, he wanted to do things he'd never had the courage to do before. It was…pure ecstasy.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thankyou to all of the wonderful reveiws! I'm sorry it has taken me so long to update. Hope you enjoy the next chapter!**

**Love Boann xxx**

"Hey Fermat."

"Hey Gordon, t…t…how are you?"

Fermat had just about gone to bed when the telecomm signalled. It was Gordon from Tracy Island.

"Not bad," shrugged Gordon. "Dreading my upcoming shift though. But it'll be nice for John to get back to Earth and chill for a while."

"I forgot he was spending some of the summer v…v…holidays with us," Fermat said aloud.

Gordon smiled. "Yeah, actually I wanted to talk to Alan, is he around?"

"N…n…no," replied Fermat.

Obviously Gordon noticed Fermat's stutter and sad expression because his brow creased into a frown. "Anything wrong?"

Fermat shook his head. "Alan hasn't been around lately. He's been hanging out with this group of guys in our year, we don't really talk much."

Gordon's frown deepened. "But you two are inseparable."

Fermat sighed, "I kn…kn…know. But after what happened on spring break…"

"Are you saying Alan's still fuming about the mission?" Gordon asked disbelievingly.

"Well, not exactly," Fermat said slowly. "I don't know, it's d…d…hard to explain. Ever since school started he was bitter, but after last weekend…he's changed."

"How so?"

"He's totally happy. He hasn't got a problem with anything," said Fermat.

Gordon made a puzzled face, "But isn't that a good thing?"

"Yes," said Fermat. "And n…n…no. I'm just saying the change was rather abrupt, almost f…f…unnatural."

Gordon 'mm'd', then shrugged. "Well, if he's happy I see no problem, it'll certainly make things quieter around here when he comes home if this mood continues. Anyway, I wanted to give him a message. Dad says that Scott will be picking you guys up instead of him, he's been really busy lately."

"No problem, Gordon," smiled Fermat. "See you next weekend."

TBTBTBTBTBTBTBTB

"Calm down Alan, what was so g…g…wonderful about geometry?"

Alan laughed at Fermat's question. He hadn't stopped talking all day and there was a bounce to his walk.

The past week had been a blur, but strangely, Alan couldn't find anything to complain about in that time. He'd continued taking the tablets under Will's constant supervision and in his opinion it had been the best thing he'd ever done. Whatever his father had warned him about drugs had to be wrong; they didn't cause pain, they eliminated it. He hardly thought about the incident over the spring break and even when he did, he dismissed his thoughts airily; he did not sink into a morose state.

For once, school didn't seem to be a waste of time. With his emotional anxiety gone, classes were a breeze, homework was tolerable and even his teachers had seemed to notice his improvement. His daydreaming dissipated and his grades were steadily improving; even Mr Bates could find nothing to criticise.

"Nothing, I'm just saying; is it just me or has geometry suddenly become incredibly cool?" chuckled Alan.

"Er, Alan? It's j…j…only you," was Fermat's reply.

Alan only chuckled.

They walked back to their dormitory together, with Alan doing most of the talking. Alan dumped his bag on his bed before collapsing on it with a grateful sigh.

"Um, Alan?"

"Yeah, Ferm?"

"I was thinking…"

Alan laughed, "Uh-oh."

Fermat walked over to him, "Did you want to hang out tonight? I mean, we haven't hung out for a while and I was just th…th…wondering if you wanted to do something."

Alan cringed, "I'd loved to Ferm, but I already told Will and the guys I would meet them a little later."

Fermat looked disappointed. "Oh…Will and the guys."

Alan didn't notice, "Hey, why don't you come with us? They all want to meet you."

Fermat gave him a small smile, "N…n…no thankyou. I've got stuff to d…d…finish off anyway."

Alan shrugged, "Fair enough," he said.

Despite the fact that Alan spent most of his time with Will's group, he was amazed at how well Fermat seemed to be accepting this. Fermat never complained or got angry. He continued with his life just as Alan continued his. Alan was so appreciative of his friend. The only thing he couldn't understand was why Fermat constantly declined offers to hang with the group.

_That's fair enough_, thought Alan, _might not be his thing and I can respect that_.

TBTBTBTBTBTBTBTBTB

Two days before school ended, Alan sat on the football field with Don, Ben, Leo and Pete, soaking up the summer sun. Alan lay on his back, his bag under his head for a pillow as he gazed up at the clear sky. It was only four in the afternoon, but both Ben and Alan had popped a pill.

"So what are you guys doing for the summer?" asked Alan.

Don shrugged from where he sat, picking grass, "Dunno yet, probably get shipped off to my dad's place so I'll be bored as hell."

"Why?" asked Alan, curiously.

"'Cos my Dad's one of those 'I'll talk to you later, son' types," Don replied.

Alan gave a laugh, "Yeah, I got your back there."

"Hopefully he'll go on some interstate meeting for the bank and we can all crash at your place for a rave," smiled Ben, with a girlish 'Yippee!'

Alan cracked up at the sound of Ben's testosterone-filled voice sounding like that of an eight-year-old girl. He rolled around on the grass, closer to Ben. "That'd be so cool. No worrying about teachers of curfews, just keep poppin'" he said.

"Damn right. And it also means none of us have to stay clean to keep you guys from getting into trouble, cos we won't have to worry about school rules getting in the way," said Pete from under his baseball hat, which was pulled over his face.

"We need girls too," said Don, flashing a grin, "That'd turn up the heat."

"Oh, I don't know," said Ben, rolling onto his side, "I think we could manage." His eyes turned to Alan, "I'm gonna have to teach Tracy a few moves first." With that he jumped on top of Alan, running a hand through his hair and sucking his neck.

Alan, surprised as he was, simply burst out laughing, pushing Ben off. "Dude! I didn't know you batted for the other side!"

Pete, who had pushed up his cap to see what was going on, smiled, "Oh, he doesn't. He just doesn't get enough…sorry, I mean, he doesn't get _any_ so he makes do with what he _can_ get!" He scooted out of the way to dodge Ben's attempt to pin him too. "And when he's on a rave, he's hilarious!" he added.

"Ben, man!" cried Don, whom had just become Ben's next victim, "Go suck someone else's cock!" he said, pushing him off.

"Yeah, you're right, your's is puny anyway," laughed Ben, generating a roar of laughter from Pete and Alan. "Guess I'll have to try for Tracy."

"God no!" laughed Alan, in stitches as Ben climbed on top of him again. Ben's hands roamed into very personal areas around Alan's body, but Alan's fights to push Ben off were hindered by his own laughter. Ben pressed his forehead against his, staring into his eyes with pupils the size of saucers. Alan, believe it or not, wasn't scared. He was intrigued. He'd never seen this side to Ben. He'd always seemed to be the 'strong but silent' type. Yet now he was chuckling evilly as he ran his hands down Alan's chest, waist and thighs. Alan threw his head to one side and laughed even harder as Ben nuzzled his neck.

It was the strangest sensation. Despite the awkwardness of the situation, Alan saw the humour as harmless and playful, as if someone was merely tickling him. Pretty soon he was in hysterics as Ben tugged at his belt, and he was completely ignoring the calls from Don and Pete and the frequent tugs on his arm.

"What's going on here?"

Ben and Alan looked up, both of them panting, to see Coach Johnson standing above their heads.

Don pulled Ben off Alan, "Nothing, Coach. Just a bit of a laugh," he assured.

Coach Johnson frowned, "Tracy, come with me, please."

Alan picked himself off the ground, still grinning. He picked up his bag and followed Coach Johnson into the sports office.

"Take a seat," Coach Johnson said, sitting on the edge of his desk.

Alan sat down on the chair in front of him.

"You want to tell me what was going on there?" Johnson raised an eyebrow and folded his arms.

"What do you mean, coach?" Alan asked, slightly confused.

Coach Johnson sighed, "Tracy, if you're going to avoid the subject, then I'll get straight to the point. Were you being…assaulted in anyway by Bates?"

Alan almost laughed out loud, "Ben? God, no! No, we were just fooling about, that's all."

"Are you sure? You know how the school responds to assault and it would be no shame on your part to-"

"Coach, it's not like that at all, seriously. Ben was just fooling about that's all," Alan assured.

Coach Johnson looked sceptical, but it was clear to both of them that he could do no more. "Very well, Tracy. But remember what I told you."

"Yeah, Coach, thanks," said Alan, grabbing his bag.

It was only after he'd closed the office door behind him that he let the wild laughter he'd been holding in escape him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry about the mishap guys. I was going to update chap 6 but then changed my mind and updated Abduction instead. I thought that by deleting the chap, it would also delete the "chap 6 up!" notice. Silly me. So I might as well post chap 6 anyway!**

**Enjoy!**

**Boann xxx**

On the last day of school, Alan practically flew out of his chair when the bell signalled the end of the last class. But unlike the other students, he didn't rush straight to his dorm to collect his things, instead he ran to dorm 46.

"Hey Alan, where are you going?" asked Fermat.

"Nowhere," was Alan's reply.

The events of the last week were somewhat of a blur and Alan's experiences with ecstasy had been pure bliss. Despite the nausea and mild depression afterwards, he continued to take it. And Will had been right; it had gone unnoticed, with the exception of Coach Johnson, which Alan still laughed at. .

But best of all, it had helped him forget. All of his cold feelings towards his family had been abolished. Even normal things he hated like homework all seemed to be a breeze.

He rushed to dorm 46 to receive a gift he'd been promised by Will. And he had a sneaky suspicion what it would be. Sure enough, after Will had ushered him inside and shut the door, he'd handed him a small bag of pills.

"Here," he said. "This should last you the summer. But take care of yourself okay? Never take more than two within three hours or so, your body won't be used to that high a dosage yet. Any problems or questions give me a call."

Alan smiled. "Thanks Will, for everything."

Will shrugged. "Enjoy your summer Tracy," he smiled

Alan shoved the small bag in his pocket and walked back to his and Fermat's dorm, where Fermat was finishing any last minute packing.

"Ready?" asked Alan.

"Yes" smiled Fermat. "I can't wait to get back."

"Yeah, I wonder how many cool stories Scott, Virgil and Gordon have to tell from missions," pondered Alan aloud.

"Hey, what am I? Chopped liver?" came a voice.

Both boys spun around to see the second eldest Tracy leaning against the doorframe.

"John!" exclaimed Alan, jumping forward and hugging his brother.

Fermat's face revealed the same excitement. "What are you doing here? Gordon said Scott would be picking us up."

John shrugged. "I thought it'd be nice to do the honours. It's a rare opportunity," he said. "You guys ready?"

"FAB!" was their reply.

Ten minutes later, the three were driving in John's car towards the airport, where the family jet Tracy One was waiting to take them to Tracy Island.

"So how long have you been back?" asked Alan, who sat in the passenger seat.

"A couple of days," replied John. "Brains wanted to test some new equipment on Thunderbird 5 before the summer, so he and Gordon came up a bit earlier than scheduled."

"Been on a mission yet?" Alan practically bounced in his seat.

John laughed, "Nope, sorry, you'll have to turn to the other boys for a good story."

He looked over at his younger brother. "You seem really perky today, what are you, high on sugar or something?"

Alan smiled. "I guess you could say that."

John merely smiled and nodded.

Fermat was quiet.

The conversation continued to be bubbly, right until they landed on Tracy Island.

Alan rushed out to greet his father, who had come to welcome them home.

"Whoa, steady there," chuckled Jeff when Alan threw himself into his arms.

"What? Your strength waning old man?" grinned Alan.

Jeff chuckled again, putting an arm around his son and walking with him to the dining room. He looked down at Alan. "Something's changed about you Al," he said, coking his head to one side and looking at Alan with a cheerful, yet puzzled expression. "I can't put my finger on it but something has definitely changed"

Alan's smile nearly faltered, but to his relief, Jeff just smiled and ran a hand over his head. "Are you getting taller?" he smiled.

Alan smiled, thanking small favours. He srugged, "Well, sorry to disappoint you, Dad, but it's just the same old me, honest!" he said, crossing two fingers behind his back. Jeff gave him another smile just as two more of his family members came rushing in..

"Hey sprout!" exclaimed Virgil, ruffling his hair before pulling him into a hug.

"Hey buddy," said Scott in a smooth voice, pulling him into a one armed embrace

Onaha, Kirano and Tintin were all in the dining room waiting for them.

"Hey, Alan," said Tintin cheerfully.

"Hey, Tintin!" Alan exclaimed, before giving her a warm hug. Tintin looked shocked at the gesture.

"Come and get it guys!" called Onaha, signalling for everyone to sit and the table

Dinner went like a flash. The food, as always, was delicious and the conversation sparkled. Alan pressed Scott for an account of every mission he'd missed, but Scott only got through a couple before Jeff looked at the clock.

"Holy cow, is that the time?" he exclaimed

The clock told them it was past eleven pm. Alan yawned, realising how tired he was.

He bid everyone a good night and walked into his room, shutting the door behind him. It was nice to be in his own room again, at home. His balcony doors were slightly open and the sound of the waves crashing on the beach below soothed him. He got undressed and relaxed in the comfort of his own bed. Suddenly he sat up, remembering something. Fumbling in his jean pockets, he pulled out the small bag of pills and stuffed them into a pair of his rolled socks, shoving it into his underwear drawer. He lay back down and let his drowsiness take over. Will had been right; everything was great. He felt on top of the world. Seeing his father and brothers smiling faces again made him happier than he'd been for a long time.

Alan drifted off into sleep before he could ponder whether or not he'd imagined John looking at him excessively over dinner.

TBTBTBTBTBTBTBTB

John sat out on his balcony, gazing up at the stars. The night air was cool and the splash of the waves on the beach below made everything seem peaceful. Yet something disturbed this tranquillity. Something was bothering him. And the worst thing was he didn't even know what it was.

From the moment he'd seen Alan, he had sensed something different about him. His happiness was wonderful to see and his eagerness to hear about missions was only too natural. But watching his little brother at dinner had made John ponder.

Was Alan _too_ happy?

John still remembered the events of spring break and he still felt bad about it. Alan had made a stupid mistake that could have been avoided with the right thinking. But Alan's impatience and boldness had inhibited any chance of that. Yet didn't they all make mistakes from time to time?

It had been obvious that Alan had been crushed by his failure and John had no doubt that his Dad's lecture had broken more than just Alan's pride. John blamed himself also. He and his brothers had been angry with Alan at the time and had either avoided him or, in John's case, given him empty words of wisdom that held no real sincerity or comfort. Alan had still been upset when he'd left for school.

But that's what puzzled John. If he knew Alan, he wouldn't have returned smiling as if nothing had happened. To John's knowledge, his brother hadn't talked to anyone about the issue to relieve any pressure. At least not to his family. John also knew that Alan wouldn't have confided in Fermat, after his friend had corrected the damage he'd caused. And as far as John knew, Fermat was the only close friend Alan had at Wharton.

Maybe he was underestimating Alan. He was sixteen after all. Maybe he was maturing and had graciously put this all behind him.

John was well and truly puzzled.

As if sensing his thoughts, his father walked out onto his balcony at that moment. "Found Mum yet?" he asked cheerfully.

John pointed up to a particular star. It was one he'd discovered himself and dedicated to the person who'd taught him to love the stars.

"There she is," he murmured.

Jeff smiled. "How was your day trip?" he asked, leaning on the balcony rail.

"Good. It was certainly a surprise for Alan," said John.

Taking advantage of the conversation's turn onto the subject of Alan, John added casually, "He was certainly in a good mood today."

Jeff raised his eyebrows. "Yes, he was, which I don't think any of us were expecting." He smiled, "But I think all of us were relieved that the tensions hadn't prevailed."

John gently pushed the subject. "Not like Alan, is it?"

Jeff smiled. "What can I say? He's a Tracy. And if he's inherited anything from your Mum, or me, it's our stubbornness. But eventually, he's had to grow up. Hopefully things will be easier from now on for all of us."

John responded only with a thoughtful 'mm'.

"Something wrong?" asked Jeff, frowning.

John stretched and got up out of his chair, "No, nothing" he smiled. "Just glad to be back home. I've really missed this place"

Jeff gave a chuckle and put an arm around his shoulders as they walked into his bedroom. "And if I know you, in two days time you'll be pining for the stars"

John returned the chuckle..

Jeff patted his back and headed for the door. "Goodnight John."

"Night Dad," said John.

As soon as Jeff closed the door, his smile drooped.

Maybe his father was right, but his reservations had not disappeared.


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry about the wait everyone! I've started Uni again, so getting the chapters up may take a little while. I'm grateful for your patience, and I will strive to update asap.**

**On a more humerous sidenote, I have discovered that many of you have been pronouncing my name as "Bone." Although I found this quite funny and indeed assumed that pronouciation when I first discovered the word, it is actually pronouced "Boo-an". **

**cheers! Boann xxx**

The next day Alan took his time getting out of bed. But soon enough the morning sun streaming in through his balcony doors was too much and he rolled out of bed and into his bathroom. After showering and changing, he dug into his sock drawer.

_Better to be prepared for the worst_, he thought, swallowing a pill. They made him so much more at ease. If he just kept taking them for as long as he was at home, he was certain that the events of spring break wouldn't be repeated. So far nobody had noticed them. In fact, he'd noticed expressions of relief on Scott and Virgil's faces the previous day. This was better for everyone.

Until the pill took effect however, he would remain in his room. He didn't find it too difficult to pass the time. He started unpacking his school case and sorting his laundry. His school books, as always, stayed in his case; he didn't plan on using them for a while. Then suddenly, he paused. His face broke out into a smile as he chuckled softly in relief as he felt the effects of the drug now consuming his system.

He wanted to laugh, but that just seemed stupid. So stupid it was almost funny. Dumping the rest of his stuff around his room, he went outside and jogged down the stairs. He had to find someone. Say good morning. Was it still morning? He'd say good morning anyway.

Sure enough, he found Onaha in the kitchen and his father and John sitting at the table, eating breakfast.

Yes! He wanted to cheer. Instead he half ran, half skipped over to the kitchen, grabbing an orange juice and some toast before kissing Onaha on the cheek and planting himself down beside his brother.

"Morning, John!" he greeted, hugging his brother.

He sat down to come face to face with the startled look on John's face.

Alan laughed, "What?" he asked.

John merely raised an eyebrow. "Good morning to you too," he said.

"Why are you acting so weird John? Got up on the wrong side of the bed?" chuckled Alan.

Jeff looked up from drinking his coffee. "You're certainly cheerful today," he commented.

"Why wouldn't I be?" asked Alan, slightly confused as to why everyone else was so glum.

Sculling the rest of his juice and shoving the last of his toast into his mouth, Alan went outside where he found Scott relaxing by the pool. Virgil, Fermat and Tintin in the water. They were tossing a beach ball around to each other. Alan thought it looked like so much fun he leapt off the side, grabbed the ball in mid-air and fell into the water with a mighty splash. When he resurfaced, Virgil's expression was a mix of disbelief and amusement.

Grinning, Alan tossed the ball back to Fermat, who cringed.

"Umm, Alan?" the small boy questioned.

Alan then realised he had jumped into the pool fully clothed. He burst out laughing and soon the others were joining in too. Even Scott had discarded his magazine to watch.

"What's all the commotion about?" asked a voice.

Alan spun around in the water to see John leaning up against the wall outside, his arms crossed.

Tintin, once she'd recovered from giggling, replied, "It seems Alan's still half asleep."

They relapsed into a fit of giggles and Alan struggled out of the pool.

"Alan, get inside," John said, without any hint of a smile.

Stifling his laughter, Alan trod back inside and upstairs to his room. Stripping down, he had just finished changing into a fresh pair of shorts and shirt when John walked into his doorway.

"Alan, do you mind if we have a chat?" he asked.

Alan shrugged. "Yeah, sure, John. Step into my office."

John didn't look amused, but Alan unconsciously ignored it.

"Are you sure there isn't anything you want to talk to me about?" asked John, closing the door a fraction.

Alan stared at him with a blank face, utterly confused.

"Like…why you been so outrageously jovial ever since the summer began?" John continued.

Alan frowned, puzzled. "Isn't being happy a good thing?" he asked, sitting down on his bed and leaning back against his pillows.

John moved forward. "Yes, Alan, it is. But this new mood of yours seems almost…"

"An improvement?" Alan tried to finish for him.

"Unnatural," John corrected, sternly.

Alan pulled his knees up to allow John to sit at the end of his bed.

"Alan, I almost fear bringing this up but…has this got anything to do with spring break?" John asked, gently.

Alan grinned. "Why would you think that? I feel great. Better than I have in a long time. You could say I've found peace. I've found a way of dealing with everything positively," he said.

He wanted so much to spill the truth about the ecstasy. After all, John was his brother. He'd be ok with a 'brotherly-bonding' secret, right? But suddenly Alan remembered what he was doing and halted in his tracks. Again, for some unknown reason, he chuckled.

"John, I swear, everything's cool," he assured with a smile.

John gave him a smile and nodded. "Okay then," he said, getting up. "But if you every want to talk, just come and find me."

Alan nodded. "I will."

Patting him on the knee, John left, closing the door behind him. Sighing, Alan rested back against his pillows once more. This was great. Everything was so great. He loved John so much. He wanted to run up to his brother and give him a hug…or something. But at the same time he was slightly unnerved, which was unusual.

Beneath the effects of the pill he felt anger. John's little pep talk had been unwelcome. What was so wrong about him being happy? Everything was better now that he was on the drug. How dare John start complaining!

Whatever the case, Alan realised he was going to have to be a lot more careful. If anybody ever found out the truth, they'd take his escape away from him. He couldn't face life without it.

He reached over to his sock drawer and pulled it open, rummaging until he found the little bag. Grabbing a pair of rolled up socks and pulled them apart, he stuffed the bag into one of them and placed it at the far right hand corner of his drawer.

_That should do it_, he thought.

Getting up, he went back downstairs to rejoin his family and friends outside.

Later that evening, Alan popped his next pill a little earlier than usual and spent the night with Tintin on the beach. The two of them returned to the house completely drenched after a very cosy water fight. Alan felt better around Tintin now. He somehow felt able to hug her more, or touch her playfully. She seemed a little wary at first, but she looked as though she was enjoying it. Alan went to bed late, crashing onto his bed and falling asleep with a smile on his face.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello again everyone!**

**Before you start reading, I want to thank you all for your patience. My university work load hyas been monstrous over the past few weeks, and therefore it has been impossible for me to update. Hopefully (fingers crossed) this fic will run a lot more smoothly now. Hope you enjoy the next two chapters. Again, any feedback is appreciated!**

**Love always, Boann**

The next morning Alan felt miserable. He looked at his clock to see that it was ten in the morning. He didn't usually wake up this late, but he still felt exhausted and the last thing he wanted to do was emerge from under his bedcovers. He was just drifting back into slumber when the klaxon sounded, giving him no choice but to get up. He threw off the bedcovers and strode to the door.

He paused.

Memories flew back to him.

What if something went wrong again, like the last rescue? He wouldn't be able to cope. Fear shot through him and threatened to smother him. Then he realised the reason he was feeling so negative; he hadn't taken a pill yet. He ran to his sock drawer and grabbed the small packet of pills, raced to his bathroom and filled a cup with water. Gulping the pill down his dry throat, he quickly tossed the packet into the toothbrush pot before racing to the command and control centre. He took a portrait down to Thunderbird 2, where Virgil, already in his uniform, sat in the pilot's seat, preparing his bird for launch. Jeff sat in the co pilot's chair buttoning up his jumpsuit.

"What took you so long?" he asked sternly.

Alan was caught off guard. "Sorry, Dad," he mumbled, grabbing his uniform.

John, who was still changing, gave him a brief glance before Jeff added, "Make sure you're prompt, we can't wait for you."

His father's words stung and Alan felt himself praying for the drug to take effect soon. He couldn't hold it together like this for long.

He tried to change the subject as he finished changing and slid into a chair, "What's the situation?"

John answered him. "Two fishing boats are caught in a storm off the coast of Africa. They can't fight the current, which is pushing them towards a large reef. Rescue boats have no chance and the helijet can't get through the winds."

"How many are on the boats?" asked Alan.

"Reported eight men in total," said Jeff. "When we arrive at the danger zone I want you two to be suited up on the rescue platform with Fermat. John, you and Alan will get onto the boats and coordinate their evacuation. Fermat will remain on the platform as monitor"

Fermat's voice came over the radio. No doubt he was in the hanger area of the ship preparing the platform for launch. "I heard that Mr Tracy, standing by."

"FAB Fermat" said Jeff

"Thunderbird Two, this is Thunderbird One."

"Come in Scott," replied Jeff.

"I've arrived at the danger zone and have a visual of the two boats. From what I can tell, they have about a mile of ocean before they hit the reef, what's your ETA?" reported Scott.

"Scott, we're approaching danger zone now, ETA ten minutes," said Virgil.

"I got you," said Scott.

John and Alan rose from their seats and made their way down to the pod where the rescue platform stood ready. Fermat already had his helmet on and was on the platform, attaching a safety line to his harness.

John and Alan donned their helmets and mimicked him.

"Dad, we're in position, ready when you are," said John into the radio in his helmet.

"FAB, remember to keep your safety lines secure," reminded Jeff.

"Will do Dad," said Alan, never feeling more comfortable with the situation. He usually got stomach jitters just before a mission began, but at the moment he was perfectly calm and positive.

"We've sighted the boats and are right above them. Lowering the rescue platform," announced Jeff.

"FAB," replied John.

The floor opened and the platform began to slide downward. Alan surveyed his surroundings the way he'd been taught. Below, a black sea was churning ferociously. Rain was pouring down and the wind was howling. The two boats, by the looks of things, had managed to secure themselves together with a line and were being battered by the waves and wind. Scott was holding Thunderbird 1 over the two boats, his spotlight beaming down on them. As the platform approached the boats, Alan and John fastened four extra lines to their harnesses.

"I'll take the one on the left," said Alan confidently.

"FAB," replied John and Fermat.

"Any problems, just call," said Fermat.

The platform stopped and John opened his side gate, motioning for Alan to go first. Alan threw down two cables just as Scott's voice came from Thunderbird 1's projector, issuing instructions for the boatmen to attach the cables to the boats and wave when they were secure.

Once Alan's boat gave him the go ahead, he abseiled down it and onto its deck.

"Dad, I'm aboard, preparing to evacuate," he said.

"FAB," was the reply he got.

He didn't bother telling the boatmen what to do, because he knew they'd never hear him above the wind. Instead he motioned for them to come up one at a time while he attached a line to their belts.

"John, I have three boatmen accounted for here linked up, preparing to send them up," he reported.

"Alan, that can't be right," said John. "I have four men here who have specified they were the only ones on this boat. There's supposed to be eight men altogether."

_Crap_, thought Alan, pulling out a small hand held signifier from his belt. Typing in the message, '4th man?' he showed it to the other boatmen.

One of the men mimed to him, 'overboard.'

Alan was struck and he put a comforting hand on the man's arm, feeling a sudden wave of extreme empathy.

"Alan, what's your status?" came his father's voice, breaking him out of his trance.

"The eighth boatman's dead Dad. I'm sending what men I have up to the platform," he reported.

"FAB."

"Fermat, prepare to receive," said Alan.

"Ready when you are Alan," replied Fermat.

Alan motioned for the men to stand closer to the edge of the boat as Fermat winched them to safety. When he was pulled onto the platform himself, he saw that John and his group were on the platform too.

"Ok Virgil, we need a lift," said Fermat.

"FAB."

In less than half an hour, Thunderbird 2 and all her passengers were landing at a hospital on the shore. Apart from mild hypothermia, the boatmen were going to be fine. As he boarded Thunderbird 2 again, Alan couldn't get the eighth boatman out of his head. Usually he was pretty good at handling losses, but this time he had been strangely affected.

John seemed to notice this. "You ok Alan?" he asked as they both stowed away their helmets.

"Yeah," said Alan. "Just…it was a shame about the other boatman. We didn't get to him in time…"

"Alan, come on, stop it," said John putting a reassuring arm around his shoulders. "You know we cant-"

"Save everyone," Alan finished for him. "I know."

Fermat walked past them. "I'll see you guys up in the cockpit," he smiled.

Alan couldn't understand why his friend didn't seem affected. Someone had died and he was smiling.

"Come on Al, lets get this equipment back together," said John.

Alan sighed and got to work stowing away the cables and harnesses that had been used into their rightful places. After a few minutes, he felt completely relaxed again, as if the sadness had never existed.

When he'd finished he followed John to the cockpit and sat in one of the chairs.

"Well done boys" commended Jeff, "Great rescue"


	9. Chapter 9

By looking on the navigation screen, Alan could see they were approaching Tracy Island. He stretched in his seat when suddenly sharp pain bolted through his leg, causing his hands to dart to the area.

John looked over. "You ok?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah," panted Alan, massaging his leg. "Just a cramp."

The cramp soon faded and he looked at his watch. Almost three thirty.

When they landed, Alan bounced to his room, had a shower and popped a pill. He whole routine was becoming automatic. Afterwards he dove into the pool and started doing laps.

"Alan, you're insane."

He looked up to see Scott sitting in a chair on the patio by the pool with a cup of coffee and a magazine.

"Why?" asked Alan cheerfully.

"All I did was sit in Thunderbird 1 and I'm beat. You were in the field and still to have energy enough to swim." Scott smiled as he relaxed in the chair.

"What can I say?" said Alan with a grin. "Maybe you're getting too old for this." He started swimming again before Scott could reply.

He felt so energised. He felt as light as a feather, even though he was using so many of his muscles just to stay on the surface. He went faster, gliding through the water. Suddenly he stopped as the cramp in his right leg returned. He gasped as the pain shot up into his abdomen. Treading water, he tried to swim towards the pool edge to get out, but every move he made increased the pain tenfold.

He called to his eldest brother, who was still sitting by the pool, "Sc…Scott. Scott help…"

Scott lowered his magazine and sat up frowning. "Alan, are you ok?" he asked.

Alan tried desperately to keep his head above the water. "Help me!" he cried.

Scott shot up from his seat and over to the pool edge. "Alan, can you reach me?" he asked, leaning over and holding out his hand.

Alan tried to kick over to him, but it was too much. He moaned and slipped underwater. He heard Scott splash into the pool and felt strong arms lift him. He resurfaced, spluttering as Scott held his arm firmly around his chest. "Come on, swim" he coached.

Alan tried to help as Scott dragged him to the edge and pushed him out. "Alan, what's wrong?" he asked sternly, once he'd joined him on the edge.

Alan desperately massaged his leg and side. "I've just got muscle cramps."

"Muscle cramps?" asked Scott, moving over to massage Alan's side.

"I'm alright," reassured Alan a little breathlessly. "I just couldn't swim"

"You certainly had me scared," sighed Scott.

"I guess it was all those laps," smiled Alan.

Scott moved so that he was kneeling behind him, gently massaging his side. Alan, desiring the comfort of physical contact, leant backwards against his brother. He rested the back of his head on Scott's shoulder, savouring the smell of Scott's aftershave.

"I'm sorry," he suddenly said.

"I'm just glad you're ok," said Scott, with a frown. "Any better?"

Alan nodded, as the pain subsided. "I'm ok, I might go and have a shower," he said, standing up.

"And get some rest," Scott told him firmly.

Alan rolled his eyes, fondly and went inside. He showered again and tried to settle down and read a book. But he was too restless. He had to get up and do something. Noticing it was nearly time for his last dose to wear off, he dug into his sock drawer and popped another pill. Putting on some shoes, he went downstairs and on to the beach for a run. It felt good to feel the salty breeze whip against him and the soft sand beneath his feet.

He did a light workout, nothing too fancy. After about half an hour, he stretched out on the warm sand. He looked up peacefully at the blue sky. Somehow it reminded him of Will. Pulling out his cell phone from his pocket, Alan dialled Will's number. The other end rang for three rings before Will picked up.

"Hey Alan," he said cheerfully.

"Hey Will, hows things?" asked Alan, smiling at the sound of his friend's voice.

"Not bad, what can I say, its summer," said Will. "How about you?"

"Yeah, it's been pretty dull here," said Alan, the corners of his mouth twitching at the whopping great lie.

"Seen the news yet?" asked Will.

"No, why?"

"International Rescue just saved seven boatmen of the coast of Africa! Sounded fantastic!" Will exclaimed.

"Wow, I'll have to look into that," smiled Alan.

"Anyway." Will's voice became serious. "Any problems?"

Alan didn't need to ask what he meant. "Nope, so far it's been great. They've really helped. I feel great. Just going for a run down the beach, I feel so alive!"

Will chuckled. "Yeah, you'll feel like you have more energy. Your body will just keep on running for days without sleep. But make sure you don't get dehydrated and keep eating, otherwise you'll do yourself some damage"

"Thanks for the tip Will. You heard from any of the other guys lately?" asked Alan.

"Not much. James went on a holiday to France but that's about all I know," replied Will.

Just then Alan's watch beeped. "Sorry Will, I gotta run, I'll see you later," he apologised.

"No problem," said Will. "Great to hear from you."

Bidding Will goodbye, Alan disconnected and answered his watch.

Jeff's voice spoke to him sternly. "Alan, where have you been? You missed the debrief."

Alan could have hit himself. He'd totally forgot!

"Sorry Dad, I'm out on the beach doing a bit of running. I must have lost track of the time," he explained.

"Well, get back to the house, Onaha's nearly got dinner ready," Jeff instructed.

"Sure thing Dad," said Alan, signing off.

He headed back up to the house at a run. He stopped when he saw his Dad standing at the edge of the patio waiting for him, his arms folded.

_Oh no_, thought Alan. Was his Dad that angry with him because he missed the debrief? Worse still, had he found out about the drugs?

These thoughts didn't worry Alan as much as they should of as he jogged up to where Jeff stood

"What's the matter Dad?" he asked cheerfully. "Something wrong?"

Jeff shook his head. "No, I just wanted to see that you got home ok," he said, putting an arm around Alan's shoulders.

Alan frowned, puzzled. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"Scott told me what happened at the pool and John said you had been having cramps on the way home as well, is everything alright?" asked Jeff as they slowly walked towards the house.

Alan didn't see what the problem was. He felt fine, therefore everything was fine. "Yeah, Dad, why wouldn't they be?" he replied merrily.

Jeff paused. "Ok, well, you'd better get cleaned up, dinner's almost ready."

Alan smiled and ran up to his room, taking the stairs two at a time.

TBTBTBTBTBTBTBTB

Jeff eyed his youngest son as he ran upstairs. Something felt wrong. The muscle cramps were what he worried about the most. Alan could have had a serious accident if Scott had not been at the pool to help him. And if the symptoms reappeared during a rescue, they could prove fatal.

But Jeff had also noticed something different about Alan's behaviour. It was unusually happy and carefree; something that he should enjoy seeing in Alan, but instead sent a shiver up his spine. Especially after the spring break had ended so badly.

His thoughts were disturbed by John, who walked out to join him. "Hey, what are you doing out here, Dad? Dinner's being served."

"Just thinking," said Jeff without smiling.

"Hows Alan? Did you talk to him?" asked John.

"That's actually what I'm thinking about," was Jeff's reply.

John looked around as if checking nobody was listening. "Look, I'm going be honest, I'm really worried about him," he said.

Jeff looked up, meeting his son's eyes. "I'm starting to as well," he admitted.

John hushed his voice. "I mean, his behaviour has been a little strange and now with these symptoms…Scott said he started doing laps after the rescue. Usually he's beat and just goes and relaxes. I know I did. Something's just out of place."

"Do you have any suspicions?" asked Jeff.

To his dismay, John shook his head. "I tried talking to him, but he just waved it off. I figured I'd just keep a close eye on him for a while and see what happens."

Jeff nodded in agreement. "For now I think that's the best thing."

He sighed and walked with John inside. "What's Onaha served up for us?" he asked with a little more energy.

John smiled. "Alan's favourite."

"Well, we'd best get in there if we're going to get anything," Jeff said with a smile.


	10. Chapter 10

**Next chapter up!**

**Hope you're all still enjoying this so far. Thankyou so much to everyone who has voiced their encouragement, honestly, I couldn't continue without you!**

**Boann xxx**

The next day at around four in the afternoon, Alan received a telecall. It was Don.

"Hey, Tracy, how's your summer going?"

Alan nodded. "Yeah, peachy. Yours? You're at your Dad's aren't you?"

Don smiled. "Funny you should mention that. All the guys are coming round for the few days. Dad's off on some meeting for the week, which means I pretty much have the place to myself," he said.

"Wow! How awesome is that?" exclaimed Alan.

"I know you live on an island somewhere, but if you could make it down here, we'd have such a great time," said Don.

"I'll try and get my Dad to let me come. Can I call you back?" asked Alan.

"Yeah, sure Tracy. Until then."

"See you Don."

Alan disconnected and ran through the house to his father's office, where Jeff was leant over his desk, studying some important looking documents.

Alan didn't bother knocking. "Hey, Dad? I've got something I want to ask you," he said.

Jeff sighed, looking up. "What is it, Alan?"

"Well, my friend Don has invited me to stay with him for the next week at his place. His Dad's a banker and so he's away a lot and Don gets really lonely over summer. So a bunch of us are going to his place. I know I don't usually go to the mainland, especially with International Rescue and all, but can't I spend some of the summer with my friends, please Dad? I'd be back in no time so I'd still be able to help out around here when I get back. What do you say?"

"Are you quite finished, Alan?" asked Jeff, looking a little bemused.

"Sorry," said Alan with a smile. He had so much energy his words were coming out at a hundred miles an hour.

Jeff's face was thoughtful. "You're right. I do need your help with the rescues. And I promised Scott he could take some leave later this week, so we'll already be a man down."

"But you've got Fermat and Tintin, haven't you? Before the three of us became Thunderbirds, you would have only had three people on rescues and you managed okay," Alan reasoned. His hands were shaking and he felt an incredible urge to jump about on the spot.

Jeff nodded, taking this on. "If Scott doesn't mind you tagging along with him for the week, then I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm glad to see that you're making more friends at Wharton."

Alan's eyes widened in surprise. "Oh my God, Dad, thankyou so much!" he cried, hugging his father and bolting out of the room before Jeff could say anything more. He raced to find Scott, who, after some badgering, finally agreed to take Alan with him to the mainland the next day. Alan called Don to let him know he was coming, then began to pack without a moment's hesitation. He barely noticed the tapping on his door.

"Fermat?"

His friend stood in the doorway.

"Dinner's al…al…nearly ready," he said.

"Oh!" Alan exclaimed. Time had certainly flown. "I'm not that hungry. Thanks anyway, Fermat," he said, going back to what he was doing.

Fermat, however, stayed where he was. "Alan, there's something I wanna t…t…discuss with you," he stammered.

Alan didn't stop his activities. "Sure, Ferm, shoot."

"Scott told me you were g…g…staying with some friends in Boston this week," said Fermat. "And I was t…t…wondering. Are you staying with Will and the guys?"

Alan stopped, thrown momentarily off balance. During that second, his thoughts flashed towards the X for support, reminding him that he was due for his next dose. "Yeah," he smiled. "We're all going to Don's for the next few days, you know? Just doing stuff."

"Alan…I d…d…recommend you stay here," said Fermat, sternly.

By now, Alan wanted his friend to leave him in peace and give him the privacy he needed to take another pill. "What do you mean?" he asked, as patiently as he could.

"Will and the guys. I don't b…b…think you should hang out with them," Fermat stated, the strength in his voice beginning to fail.

"Why not? They're my friends," said Alan, his patience waning. "You never even gave them a chance, so how would you know?" he asked, a little more ferociously.

He could feel himself getting worked up. All the pain he had been controlling over the past few weeks was building up within him. He needed a pill and he needed it now!

"Look, Fermat," he said, gripping the bridge of his nose. "I just need some privacy right now, okay?"

"Are you alright?" asked Fermat, frowning.

Alan wasn't so sure of the answer to that question. His hands were shaking and he felt nauseas. He pulled his head together. "I'm fine. Just leave, Fermat."

"Alan, please don't go. Ever since you've hung out with Will, you've been w…w…different," Fermat pleaded.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Just leave me alone," Alan said, growing even more frustrated.

Fermat didn't move. "But, Alan…"

"I said go!" Alan cried.

Fermat nodded, looking scared, and left. Alan ran over to close the door and lock it. What was wrong with him?

He couldn't stop shaking, but he wasn't cold. He felt sick, but he knew he wouldn't make it to his bathroom in time. His head felt foggy and his eyes began to drift close.

_No_, he thought. _Just take another pill and you'll feel better_.

He looked at his sock drawer, which seemed so far away even though it was only a few feet. He stumbled towards it, his vision becoming foggier with each step.

_What's happening?_ he thought, starting to panic.

He finally collapsed on to the floor.

TBTBTBTBTBTBTBTBTB

"Hey, Johnny-boy, what's up?"

John smiled. "Hey Gordon. Nothing much. Just checking on you. Hope my bird's still in one piece."

From the opposite side of the telecall screen in John's room, Gordon gave him a pained expression. "John, I'm wounded! Mortified that you even considered that I would be so careless! I'm treating her like she were my own."

"For your sake, you'd better be right," John said, his smile broadening.

"How's Alan? I didn't get to speak to him before I came up here," said Gordon.

"Really?" questioned John. Gordon and Alan always had one last conversation before Gordon left for space duty. The two brothers were inseparable. "Why is that?"

Gordon shrugged. "I called shortly before school ended, but Fermat told me that Alan had gone to hang out with some new friends."

"How did Fermat feel about that? He and Alan always stick together," said John.

"Between you and me, he didn't sound too happy about it. But I can understand that. He and Alan have been like two peas in a pod practically all through high school," said Gordon. He frowned. "But what puzzled me was that Fermat wasn't with Alan and his new group."

"Yeah," murmured John. "Gordon, did Fermat mention anything strange going on with Alan?"

"Like what?" asked Gordon.

John sighed. "I don't know. Weird mood swings. Lifestyle changes?"

Gordon nodded. "I do remember him saying something about Alan being different, but he didn't say much. He sounded a little worried, though. Why are you asking me all this anyway?" Gordon's expression turned to one of suspicion.

John frowned. "Truth be told, Gordon. I don't know what's going on, myself. I'll let you know when I find out a little more. Could be just me being paranoid, I suppose."

Gordon nodded, though John could tell his brother was not fully satisfied. "Okay, well, you'd better get some sleep. It's pretty late."

"Since when did younger sibling tell the older siblings what to do?" joked John.

"Night, John."

"Night, Gordon."

Cutting the link, John sat back in his chair. He had a bad feeling about this.

TBTBTBTBTBTBTBTBTB

_Why am I on the floor? _

This was Alan's first thought as he came back to consciousness. He slowly got on his hands and knees. The whole room was dark but for the moonlight coming through his balcony doors. He felt awful.

_This wasn't supposed to happen. Will said I'd be ok._

Alan had never experienced these symptoms before and they were scaring him a lot more than the cramps did. He got to his feet rather unsteadily and wobbled over to his bed. He sat down on the comforter, collecting his thoughts.

It had been the first time he'd been off the ecstasy during the day since arriving home. Had that had something to do with the sudden onset of frightening symptoms?

He was so tired. He crawled under his covers fully dressed and closed his eyes.

It was going to be fine. This was just some freak thing. It wouldn't happen again. He just needed to make sure he didn't forget to take the pills.

They made everything better and he couldn't afford to lose his escape.


	11. Chapter 11

**Okay guys, just repeating my earlier warning about drug use and adult themes. It gets a little rougher from here and I won't be surprised if I get a few negative reviews as a result. I respect that some of you may not approve of the plot's turn, but I felt that in order to get my argument across effectively, this turn was necessary.**

**Please don't let this affect your reviews! Keep 'em comin' and thankyou for your support so far!**

**Love Boann**

The sun was gleaming proudly over the city of Boston when the two Tracy brothers arrived. It was going to be a glorious day on the mainland. One that promised good things. But this was wasted on Alan. The morning seemed to drag for him. Even though only a few hours had passed since he had awoken in his bed at home, it felt like a whole week had passed by the time he and Scott arrived at Don's house.

Scott, who was driving the family's BMW, peered over his sunglasses. "Nice place. His Dad's a banker, did you say?"

"Yes," mumbled Alan, who hadn't been very talkative on the way there. He just wanted to go.

Scott rapped his fingers on the steering wheel. "Do you want me to walk you in?" he asked.

"Scott, I'm fifteen, not five. Here's fine," Alan said, rolling his eyes for his brother to see.

He received a hair ruffling from Scott, who laughed. "Ok. I'll pick you up this time four days from now," he said.

Alan frowned. "I thought we had a week here," he said, his heart sinking.

Scott pretended to look crushed. "And there was me wanting to spend some time with my little brother," he cried.

Alan gave a smile. "Whatever," he said, grabbing his bag and getting out of the car.

"Take care, sprout!" called Scott, starting the engine and veering off the driveway.

Alan didn't return his farewell but proceeded to knock on the front door.

"Alan!"

"Hey Don."

His friend smiled sincerely and beckoned him into the house. "Hey guys! Look whose decided to join us mainlanders!" he called as he led Alan into a large living area.

Flopped on Persian rug that lay in the centre of the room or leaning on the furniture was Will, Pete, Ben and Leo. They all called their greetings.

"Alan, this is my cousin Josh," Don said, indicating to a man who looked around nineteen with styled brown hair and extremely handsome features. From where he leant on the fireplace mantel, Josh gave Alan a cool smile.

"He'll be staying with us for the week," Don explained.

Alan returned Josh's smile, suddenly feeling awkward standing in the doorway with his case. Don told him to leave it and together the boys migrated into the garden. Alan had never seen such a huge backyard. It wasn't even a backyard; it was a field! A perfect rectangle of clipped green lawn decorated with old statues, limestone walkways and blooming rows of flowers. In the far right hand corner was a large pool with it's own diving board. Closer to the patio was an extravagant fountain. One thing was for sure; Don's father wasn't afraid to show his wealth.

The boys helped themselves to an assortment of soft drinks that stood on a table waiting for them and made themselves comfortable on the lounges. Alan found himself next to Leo.

"So, how are things with the ecstasy?" Leo asked, conversationally.

Alan smiled. He could always count Leo to skip the bullshit and get to the point. "It's been a ride. It has certainly helped," he replied.

Leo could obviously read him like a book. "But…"

Alan found himself smiling again. "But…I think I need a bit more. It kind of feels like it's wearing off as soon as I take it."

"I gotcha," nodded Leo. "Hey Will!" he called.

Will interrupted his conversation with Pete to run over to where Leo and Alan were sitting. "What's up, Tracy?" he asked.

"Alan's weened off the kiddies dose, can we up him?" asked Leo.

Unlike Alan, Will seemed to understand what Leo was saying. "Sure," he said. "But don't stress about it too much. Tonight we're going to take you on the ride of your life!"

"What do you mean?" asked Alan.

Will jerked his head towards Josh. "Don's cousin managed to score us some shit, so tonight we're having a real rave!" he replied.

Butterflies danced in Alan's stomach.

"Except for Ben, who decided to chicken out," said Leo, loud enough for Ben to hear.

"Hey! Someone's got to keep an eye on the kids, Leo," Ben retorted.

As the conversation drifted around the group, the sun slowly began to set and the statues cast eerie shadows across the manicured lawn.

A woman in a maid's attire brought out several plates of food, which the boys attacked. Finally, Josh disappeared into the house and came back out carrying an assortment of small bags, which he dumped on the table. Alan was surprised. Pills, plant and powder; the content alone would earn Josh a long jail sentence if he was caught. Suddenly Alan felt unsure, but was encouraged by Don, who grabbed his arm and pulled him over.

"Come on, it isn't hard. But I'll give you a quick low down," he offered, as they approached the table where the other were helping themselves. Don steered him over to one side of the table, reaching for a bag filled with a plant. "The pills are X and the powder is coke. Let's just start you off easy first. You ever smoked before?"

Alan shook his head, his curiosity rising. Don rolled him some of the marijuana and handed it to him. After rolling one for himself and motioning for Alan to follow him, he sat down on the wall of the fountain. Don lit his cigarette and Alan mimicked him. "Don't breathe in too deep until you get used to it," he told him, sucking on his joint and blowing out the smoke. "Otherwise you'll spend the rest of the night choking up a lung. Trust me; not cool."

Tentatively Alan brought the joint to his lips and took a small breath in. As he exhaled and let the smoke curl out in front of his mouth, he realised that it wasn't as horrific as he'd anticipated. Not that he'd expected to fall flat on his back; but it felt so harmless. At the same time he felt wonderfully bad, disobeying his father.

_Uptight prick! I'm fine and the guys won't let anything bad happen. _

"God, I'd love to see my old man's face if he caught me with this," Alan smiled at his friend.

Don returned it. "Is he some kind of military man?"

Alan inhaled again, before answering, "Not really. He just only really has time for the sons that make him proud."

"Ah, I see," remarked Don, exhaling smoke through his nose. "Well, I can't say I know what you're going through but it sounds like shit."

As he finished his first joint, Alan found the subject had lost its importance.

After about an hour of smoking and chatting with Don, Ben brought over a six pack of beer. Although Alan had drunk beer before, he'd never been allowed to drink much or without his family's supervision. This made the night all the more enjoyable for him. Pretty soon he felt hilariously light headed and decided to try and walk it off. But for some reason, moving became extremely difficult. His body refused to obey his commands and every time he tried to stand, the dizziness increased tenfold. But this didn't persist to be a problem however, because Pete, obviously high, suddenly jumped on him, tackling him to the ground.

"Whoa!" Alan cheered as Pete pinned him to the ground. "Someone's been on some serious shit!" The two boys laughed and began a wrestling match on the grass. This proved very difficult for Alan, whose limbs felts like jelly. But this made the situation all the more hilarious. After a while, they relaxed, rolling onto their backs, still laughing.

"You been on the coke, Pete?" called Don from where he sat.

"Oh man," replied Pete. "You have no idea!"

Alan laughed as Pete let out a wolf howl. He concentrated on joining Don for another joint, but couldn't seem to get up. Instead he flopped on the grass like a beetle trying to get off its back. "I can't move!" he giggled.

A hand grasped his flailing arm and hauled him to his feet. "God, what are you on, Tracy? A few beers and a joint?" asked Ben as he helped to steady his friend. "Don, get this kid on some serious stuff."

Alan held himself upright by holding Ben's shoulders. "I'm fine," he assured.

"Tracy, it's bad enough that I have to sit out tonight, let alone the fact that you aren't half as high as you could be," Ben told him, dragging him over to where Josh and Leo were sprawled out on the grass a few yards away.

"Hey Josh!" he called.

As Ben began a conversation with Don's cousin, Alan collapsed next to Leo, who was smoking.

Leo laughed. "Alan, you look like shit," he remarked.

Alan only laughed with him as he sank onto his stomach. "I hear bells ringing in my ears," he murmured with a smile.

Blowing out smoke, Leo smiled. "You've never met Josh have you?"

Alan shook his head, causing the world to shudder violently. "Is he ok?" he asked.

"Yeah, he's our man," Leo replied.

Alan rolled onto his back, gazing up at the night sky. "Man?" he questioned.

"Yeah," said Leo. "I mean, where did you think the X we gave you came from?"

"Oh," was Alan soft response. He liked they way the stars looked tonight. Unconsciously he thought of his brother John. He wished his brother could be with him. With all the time he spent monitoring Thunderbird 5, the astronaut rarely let his hair down. Alan wished the brothers could go out on Saturday nights to parties, like normal people did. But with International Rescue, it was impossible.

Without realising, Alan was drifting asleep. He was roused by someone shaking his arm. Thinking it was Ben, he sat up, but instead he saw Josh crouching next to him. Looking around, he saw that Leo and Ben had long since left. Slightly bemused, Alan looked at Josh.

Josh smiled in understanding. "Just checking you were ok. We can't have you going over on your first rave," he explained.

Alan rubbed his sore head. "This isn't my first," he said, dreamily. Suddenly nausea overwhelmed him and he rolled over, preparing to throw up.

Josh grabbed his arm and pulled him up. "Oh no, not on my uncle's lawn," he said. "He'll kill us."

Josh led Alan into a section of the garden decorated with conical trees and large, dark bushes. They created a tall, square shaped border around a stone bench. Josh walked behind Alan, holding his shoulders to steer him. "This is the place we come to chuck," he said.

Alan gratefully steered away towards one of the bushes and began vomiting. When he'd brought up everything he had in his stomach, he sat down on the grass, trying to clear his head. Josh sat next to him. "You okay?" he asked.

Through his dreamy, weary state of consciousness, Alan felt uncomfortable when Josh all but wrapped an arm around his lower back.

"So what brought you into my cousin's group?" Josh asked, conversationally.

Alan sighed, suddenly cold. "Met Will. Talked about stuff that was bothering me. Sorta just happened," he mumbled.

Josh nodded. "What was bothering you?" he probed.

"Family giving me crap. I'm the youngest," Alan told him.

"So…being the youngest you wouldn't be completely aware of this kinda shit, right?" Josh questioned.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Alan asked, feeling the nausea return.

Josh shook his head. "Nothing," he replied.

Alan shivered. Josh's hand had snaked around to his hip now, and it felt weird. But at the same time, Alan didn't want to move. This was the only gesture of comfort he'd been given and he didn't want to lose it. Instead he lay down on the grass and closed his eyes. He felt Josh lay down next to him, but didn't think much of it as sleep took him.


	12. Chapter 12

**What? 3 reviews? Is that all? What's going on guys? **

**Thankyou SO much to those who did review! You were the only thing that reassured me the last chapter wasn't a total flop. As for the rest of you, what went wrong? Was there something you didn't like? Please tell me, because without your feedback, I have no sense of direction! **

**Boann xxx**

John Tracy was frustrated. When he was frustrated, he found no relief through physical exercise. Instead he sat on the floor of his balcony, his legs crossed and his eyes closed. He inhaled deeply, savouring the smells and sounds of the morning. However, despite attempts to focus only on the world around him, he couldn't be rid of the voices in his head, replaying words exchanged over the holiday.

"_You're certainly cheerful today."_

"_Isn't being happy a good thing?"_

"_Just a cramp."_

"_His behaviour has been a little strange and now with these symptoms…"_

"_I've found a way of dealing with everything positively."_

Unable to focus, John opened his eyes. Was he going crazy?

He couldn't figure it out. Although he didn't spend as much time with Alan, what with being posted at Thunderbird 5, he knew there was something different about his baby brother. Something wrong. He knew he wouldn't rest until he found out what it was. Alan could be in trouble.

John rose from where he sat, his mind made up. Briskly walking down the hall, he checked that he was alone before opening the door to Alan's room. As usual the room was a mess, but this didn't deter him. Closing the door behind him, he went to Alan's schoolbag, rummaging around inside it. With no findings, he moved to the chest of drawers. Suddenly he froze as the door opened and Virgil walked in stealthily. He too froze when he saw he was not alone.

"John?"

"Virgil?"

"What are you doing in Alan's room?"

"What are you doing here?"

Neither of the brothers were willing to admit, but in the end Virgil relented.

"Ok, well, if you must know…" he drifted off as if uncertain they weren't being overheard. "Something weird is going on with Alan. You, me Scott, Dad and even Gordon have noticed how strangely he's been acting and I thought… while he isn't here, I'd do some investigating."

John smiled in relief. "I'm glad to see we're seeing eye to eye on this," he said.

"Yeah, well, let's just get this over with," suggested Virgil.

Together the two brothers began a systematic search. They opened cupboards and sifted through drawers, neither of them truly knowing what they were searching for. John frowned as they ran out of places to look. Eventually he stood up, his hands on his hips in frustration.

Virgil emerged from the bathroom with a similar expression. "There's got to be something," he said. "Something to give us a clue."

John exhaled, running a hand through his blonde hair. "Yes, but it going to be difficult to find if we don't know what it is we're looking for."

Virgil sighed and sat on Alan's bed, his brown eyes full of worry. "John, I'm scared, man," he murmured, softly.

John sat next to his brother. "Yeah, me too," he admitted.

"What's happening? And why aren't we confronting this as a family? We've all noticed that something is wrong. Yet Dad goes and does the silliest thing possible and allows Alan to go away where we can't keep an eye on him," Virgil complained.

John waited, allowing Virgil the opportunity to let out his frustrations.

"I just can't see what could possibly be causing this. What have we missed?" Virgil asked, resting his elbows on his knees.

John shook his head. "I don't know," he murmured. "But I think Dad let Alan go because he shares my suspicion that all of this has some connection to the events of spring break. However, he instructed Scott to collect Alan from his friend's place after three days, which leaves him at least four days with Alan at our apartment in Boston. During that time he's bound to find something to explain all of this. After all, nobody does the mother hen routine better than Scott."

Although Virgil nodded in agreement, a cool expression crossed his face. "So, all of this was arranged without any consideration for what I think about the whole deal?" he asked coldly.

John tilted his head. "In a manner of speaking, yes. But that's only because the idea came to me right before Scott and Alan left," he explained.

Virgil's tight jaw relaxed and he nodded, exhaling. "How did it come to this?" he asked.

It was one of many questions John couldn't answer.

TBTBTBTBTBTBTBTB

By the time the sun had risen over Don's house, everybody had either passed out and manoeuvred by Ben onto a rug or couch, or they had managed to find their beds in their designated rooms. Unfortunately for Alan, he had not managed to find his room and had spent the rest of the night, morning and afternoon sprawled on a lounge on the patio. But by the time the sun had completed its circle once more, the party was alive again. After drinking a few beers and taking a couple of X, Alan felt content to forget his worries.

Most of the time he spent with Don, Leo and Ben, who tonight had decided to join in on the festivities. Josh was hanging around him a lot too, which Alan didn't mind. The events of the last night were still a little blurry, but Josh had helped him out and to Alan, that meant he was a friend.

However, by midnight, there no longer seemed to be enough beer and drugs to take his mind off things. Alan's head started to pound and he excused himself to get a glass of water. After fumbling around in the kitchen for ten minutes and still not finding anything, Alan settled for drinking straight from the tap before going to sit on the couch in the living room. Water trickled down his face, but he didn't care. He knew what was coming. The inevitable bombardment. If he didn't find something soon, he would explode. But he couldn't take anymore X and alcohol was no longer working, however potently it flowed through his bloodstream.

Before long Josh crouched over him. "You okay kid?" he asked with a sincere concern.

Alan leant back on the couch and closed his eyes. "It's not working," he groaned. "Josh, help me." He was being plagued with nightmares, although he was still awake. Shapes and colours danced before his eyes, making it impossible to focus. He wanted to burst into tears. He wanted to scream his rage.

Josh leaned over, putting a hand on his knee. "Come with me," he beckoned.

Alan followed obediently.

Josh led him into a bedroom, closing the door behind him. He dug around in a bag on the bedside table, pulling something out. Although Alan could tell the object was wrapped in plastic, it was too dark for him to see what it actually was.

"Lie down," Josh told him, softly.

Alan, in his desperation, wasted no time thinking. He lay on his back on the bed, gazing dully at the ceiling. He felt Josh sit down very close to him, on his right side, which made him a little wary.

"What's gonna happen?" he slurred.

Josh nuzzled his ear. "I'm gonna take you so high you're never gonna come back down."

Josh's right hand suddenly clamped itself around Alan's left forearm and Alan instinctively struggled.

"Shhhh," hushed Josh. He was holding the object in his left hand and his right showed no intent on releasing its hold. A sharp sting in the crook of his elbow made Alan jerk. He knew what it was from the way he could feel it piercing his skin and sliding through flesh. A syringe. Only this one was much more painful and Alan was surprised at how uneasy he felt over the fact that Virgil wasn't administering it. He stiffened and tried to sit up.

"Wait," he murmured, his mouth dry. Josh only hushed him again. He was injecting something cold into Alan's bloodstream and Alan didn't like it. Finding the strength out of nowhere, he wrestled out of Josh's grip and rolled off the bed. He intended the land on his feet, but instead landed on his arse. Panting, he pulled the needle roughly from his arm, suddenly worried.

After a few silent minutes, Josh bent down next to him, holding his shoulders. "You okay, Alan?"

"That hurt," Alan mumbled lamely

"You'll feel much better in a little while," Josh assured with a confident voice.

Alan closed his eyes and leant his back on the bed, feeling sick. Suddenly his Dad was there, rubbing his stomach in a circular motion the way he always did when Alan was sick. Alan moaned his contentment and opened his eyes. However, it was not his father he saw, but Josh.

"Wow," murmured the older boy, looking down.

Alan followed his gaze. "What?" he asked.

Josh's hand moved under his shirt, warm against his stomach. "Your abs are really toned."

Alan smiled, happy to take the compliment. He rested back against the bed, only vaguely aware of Josh's hand starting a new journey over his stomach and chest. Josh murmured in his ear. "I think we should get you back to bed."

Alan thought that sounded like a good idea. He was feeling strange; light-headed yet his head itself felt as heavy as the Mole. He allowed Josh to lay him back on the bed and closed his eyes. He was tired.

He faintly heard Josh tell him. "It's ok, Alan. I'll take good care of you."


	13. Chapter 13

**Okay folks! This is it! The bit we've all been waiting for! _Dramatic music_**

**However, I do need a bit of help with a slight dilemma I'm facing. Although much drama will occur in the next few chapters, I am undecided as to how I will show Alan's recovery period. Should I be brief or allow it to last? I don't want to drag out unnecessary angst, but I don't want to simply cut it short after so much waiting. Any ideas or thoughts would be great!**

**Well, on with the story!**

**Boann xxx**

Solitude definitely had its perks. But it was too strange for Scott to fully enjoy. Living in a house of never ending chaos seemed a nightmare to many, but to Scott, it was home. The Tracy's apartments in Boston provided all the comforts anyone could desire, but lacked that familiar charm.

The apartment Scott was staying in had a spacious kitchen, family and living space and two bedrooms with ensuite bathrooms. Each room was decorated in warm, soothing colours and held the latest technical homewares. The twelve floors that separated the apartment from the city below provided a peaceful silence from the sounds of the busy streets. Despite the fact that he often did long for a bit of peace and quiet, it was the last thing Scott was concentrating on this particular holiday. Nearly three days had passed since he'd left Alan, and he was itching with anticipation. In less than twelve hours, Alan would be safe under his watchful gaze and hopefully, by the time they returned to Tracy Island, the mystery surrounding the young boy's behaviour would be solved.

For a moment Scott had doubted his ability to fulfil this task. He didn't want to be too forceful and push Alan further away, but at the same time he knew his patience would only last so long. The first night would be about observation. Watching for any further changes in Alan would hopefully give him a few hints as to what was going on.

As the chronometer signalled just after one in the morning, Scott poured himself a glass of whisky and made himself comfortable on the couch in the living room, trying to ease the nerves that had plagued him since arriving in Boston.

He would find out the truth. He had to, for everyone's sake.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by the comm. system signalling an incoming call. Rising, he strode to answer it, only to find that it was his father.

"Dad? What's going on?" he asked at the stern frown on Jeff's face.

"Scott, I need you to check on Alan right now," his father ordered.

Scott frowned. "But he's still at his friend's place," he said, stupidly.

"You need to get your arse down there immediately. Be as fast as you can."

Scott's frown deepened. "Why, Dad? What's happening?"

"Gordon's picked up a communication up in Thunderbird Five. It was an emergency call for ambulance services hailed by the same address that Alan is staying at," Jeff explained.

"Oh my God," murmured Scott, his stomach churning.

"Go and see you brother, Scott and call back when you find him," Jeff told him.

"Yes, sir," nodded Scott, ending the communication, grabbing his jacket and keys and bolting out of the door. In less than ten minutes he had reached the house. His father had been right. An ambulance stood on the road directly in front of him, its red and blue light flashing forebodingly. Jumping out of the car, Scott ran to where a crowd of concerned neighbours had congregated.

"What's happening?" he asked a woman who was clutching a frilly pink dressing gown around herself.

"Sounds like one of the boys have had an accident and I'm not surprised. There's been a party raging there for almost two days," the woman tutted. "Serves them right. Stupid teenagers. It was only a matter of time before something went wrong."

Ignoring the woman's snooty comments, Scott got closer. Two paramedics suddenly ran out of the door, carrying a boy on a stretcher.

The boy lay unmoving, an oxygen mask over his face and tubes running all over him. Scott's heart stopped for a moment. _Please, no. Not like this_.

"Alan!" he cried out, running forward.

The paramedics manoeuvred the stretcher into the ambulance, pushing Scott firmly away. "Please, sir, stay back," one of them instructed.

Scott ignored them until he made out the boy's face. It wasn't Alan. He let out a breath of relief before turning back to the house and, without hesitation, running inside. The house was relatively deserted, but it wasn't long before Scott found his way into the backyard. Less than a dozen boys, all around Alan's age, lay draped over furniture or sprawled on the grass.

The stench was putrid. And it was a smell Scott knew all too well from his college days. Pot. Nearly every boy had a joint in his hand. Scott couldn't believe it. _Surely not Alan…_He closed his eyes for a moment, memories flashing through his mind. It made sense. All of it. The symptoms, the unnatural behaviour; they were all the effects of recreational drugs.

Now more intent than ever on finding his baby brother, who was not among the group, he walked over to one of the boys.

The boy looked up at him with bloodshot eyes. "Hey boys, looks like we got ourselves a gatecrasher," he laughed.

A strongly built boy cheered from where he lay on the grass. "Give him a drink and a joint. The more the merrier!"

Scott stilled his hands, which were shaking with rage. "I'm looking for Alan. Where is he?" he questioned sternly.

"That all depends on who's asking," laughed the boy.

"I said," Scott growled, lifting the boy up by the collar of his shirt so that his face was inches from his own. "Where is Alan?"

"Hey, it's cool, bro. He went with Josh. He's fine," the boy told him.

"Went where?" demanded Scott.

"Somewhere in the house," shrugged the boy. "Haven't seen them for a while."

Releasing the boy, Scott strode back inside, searching every room. He kicked open the door of a bedroom to find his baby brother spreadeagled on a bed, his eyes closed. Straddling him was an older boy. Scott knew what was going on instantly.

"You son of a bitch!" he yelled, marching forward and dealing a blow to the boy's chin. The boy's head snapped back and he fell off the bed, out for the count. Satisfied, Scott bent over Alan, putting a hand on his brother and shaking him. "Alan, can you hear me?"

When Alan didn't respond, he checked his vitals. His pulse was rather rapid, as was his breathing. But Scott wouldn't be satisfied until his brother was awake. He had no doubt that Alan had consciously taken or been given drugs during the night, or the past few days for that matter.

"Alan, come on, boy, open your eyes," Scott called, his anxiety growing.

To his relief, Alan began to stir, and finally his eyes slid open.

"Alan, are you okay?" Scott asked, holding his brother's cheek in his hand.

Alan focused on him for a moment, before his eyes drooped again.

"Oh no you don't!" said Scott, giving Alan another shake. "Come on, Alan, open your eyes!"

Alan obeyed him, but looked reluctant. "Scott?" he mumbled. His throat sounded very dry. "What are you…"

Scott didn't let him finish. He pulled him up by his shoulders and dragged him out of the room, unwilling to further assess his condition out of fear of what he might find. Somehow, he managed to find Alan's belongings and gathered them up, before wrapping an arm around his brother's shoulders and leading him to the car.

"Alan," he said, after guiding his brother in the passenger seat and buckling him in. "I need you to tell me something and I need you to tell me the truth. Can you do that?"

Alan's eyes were bloodshot, but they focused on Scott's face. However, his movements were uncoordinated and weak. He managed a nod.

"Good. Alan, have you taken anything today? Any drugs?" Scott asked him clearly.

Alan gave him a pained expression and Scott was able to predict what was about to happen. He jumped backwards just as Alan vomited onto the road. It wasn't an answer, but it served all too well. Amidst the bile and food lay two small white spots. Although they were clearly half dissolved, they were perfect circles.

"Damn!" Scott cursed as he supported his brother. Alan seemed to lose what coordination he had, slumping into Scott's arms, coughing. Scott managed to lean him back on the seat and shut the door.

Taking the wheel, he quickly assessed the possibilities. He wasn't willing to let Alan go without a medical assessment. But if he went to the hospital, there was a great chance that the police would catch wind of the situation and investigate. He wasn't willing to trust a general practitioner either.

Alan's soft gasping stole his attention as they stopped at some traffic lights. Alan was shivering, but, at holding a hand to his brother's forehead, Scott found no abnormality in his temperature. Suddenly he had an idea. He cursed himself for not thinking of it quicker. Driving on, he picked up his mobile phone and dialled a number drilled into him by his father.

A sleepy voice answered. "Hello?"

"Dr. Gallagher? It's Scott Tracy. Sorry to call on you so early in the morning, but I need your help," Scott said. Darren Gallagher was an old friend of Jeff's from the military. He left the forces early in his life to become a doctor and remained a loyal friend. Loyal enough even to be trusted with the secret of International Rescue.

"Scott? No, it's all right. I didn't now you were in Boston. What's the problem?" asked Gallagher.

Scott stole another glance at Alan before answering. "I'd rather talk to you at your clinic. Alan…I'd just rather talk to you in person."

Darren sounded wary, but Scott was grateful when he said, "Very well Scott, meet me at my clinic. Do you remember where it is?"

"Yes," replied Scott, disconnecting.

He only hoped he was doing the right thing.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello again everyone!**

**Thankyou so much for all of your helpful advice and personal thoughts concerning my indecision about ending the fic. I know where I'm going to go now, and hopefully you'll like the direction I'm going to take. This particular chapter wasn't easy to write, because, as I wrote from Alan's perspective, I could only imagine his state of mind not having experienced it myself. I am prepared to edit that particular section should it prove to be unbelievable or inaccurate, so any comments would be great!**

**Enjoy!**

**Boann xxx**

It took Scott less than fifteen minutes in the almost non-existent traffic to reach Darren Gallagher's cosy but expensive surgery not far from the offices of Tracy Enterprises. A black car Scott recognised as Darren's was parked in front.

Getting out of his own car, Scott roused Alan and helped him out. By the time Scott half walked, half carried Alan to the door of the clinic, Darren was waiting for them. Dressed in slacks and a casual shirt and bearing the tired expression of a man disturbed from sleep, he greeted Scott warmly nevertheless. "Scott, good to see you."

"You too, Darren. Though I wish it were under better circumstances," Scott replied.

On observing Alan, Darren ushered them inside and into one of his rooms. Scott sat Alan down in a chair and knelt in front of him to make sure he didn't keel forward.

"What's seems to be the problem?" asked Darren.

Scott explained the tricky situation, and after he'd finished, Darren was immediately stern.

"I'll have to do some tests so that we can find out exactly what he's taken or been given," he informed Scott, who nodded his approval. "Does Jeff know you're here?"

Scott cringed at the mention of the inevitable storm that was to follow. "Not exactly. He doesn't know about the drugs…yet."

Darren nodded his understanding before kneeling next to Scott in front of Alan. "Alan? It's Darren Gallagher. Do you remember me?" he asked clearly.

Alan's eyes slowly focused on Darren and after a few seconds, he nodded.

"Good," Darren murmured. "Alan, can you remember what drugs you were given?"

Alan suddenly squeezed his eyes shut as if he was about to cry and bent forward, falling onto Scott's chest and burying his head into his brother's shoulder.

Scott instinctively wrapped his arms around his brother, rubbing his back. "It's ok, Alan," he soothed. "Should we be looking out for any symptoms?" he asked.

Darren got up and busied himself at a nearby workbench. "Until we know what he has taken, we can't predict his symptoms nor can we treat him. A blood test should provide us with the answers we need."

_Not all of them_, thought Scott. His reflection reminded him of a condemned task he had yet to accomplish.

"Will you be ok with him for a moment?" he asked Darren. "I need to make a telecall."

Darren nodded.

Scott sat Alan up and looked at his eyes. "Alan, I'm going to be right back, ok?" he told his brother, who nodded vaguely.

Squeezing Alan's shoulder in support, he opened the door and walked into the hall. Before he could close the door behind him, Darren caught him by the arm. "Good luck," he said, soberly.

Scott gave a cheerless laugh. He would definitely need it.

TBTBTBTBTBTBTBTBTB

On Tracy Island, Jeff, John and Virgil sat or paced in Jeff's study, all awaiting the worst. Jeff leaned back in his chair, biting his thumbnail. It was a habit he had told himself he'd thwarted.

What was happening to his son? A million situations were running through his head, each one worse than last. Was Alan sick? Did he have an accident? Was he abused? Pinching his nose with two fingers, he cursed himself for ever letting Alan out of his sight. There were too many questions. All without answers.

He and everyone else in the room jumped at the signal of an incoming telecall. He accepted it and Scott's tired face appeared on screen.

"Scott!" Jeff boomed as his sons crowded around him. "What happened? Where are you? Is Alan safe? Is he alright?"

Scott sighed. "Depends," was his solemn reply.

Jeff, who was on the verge of pure panic, was not at all satisfied. "What do you mean? Damn it Scott! I've had enough beating around the bush! Where's Alan?"

"He's with me at Darren Gallagher's clinic," Scott answered.

"Darren? Why did you bother him at this hour? Why didn't you take your brother to a hospital?" Closing his eyes for a moment to calm himself, Jeff took a deep breath and started again. "Is he alright?" he asked, quietly.

"We're not sure," replied Scott. "The ambulance that was called to the house wasn't for Alan. But I did discover something…"

Jeff frowned his concern. "What did you find out?" he asked.

"The answer to everything Dad," Scott said, his eyes shining. "All of it. His behaviour, our suspicions…"

"Talk sense to me Scott, please," Jeff implored.

"Dad, get Gordon on the line so he can be a part of this. There's something you need to know."

Jeff knew from the look on Scott's face that it wasn't good.

TBTBTBTBTBTBTBTBTBTB

"Alan?"

There was the voice again. It was a voice he recognised from a long time ago, but he couldn't answer it. He couldn't move or speak at all. He could only sit on the side of the thin bed onto which he had been positioned. His brain felt detached from the rest of his body. He knew he could do something if he really tried, but he was too languid. He felt so lethargic it made him nauseous.

Something was pressing against his chest, which he found uncomfortable. Looking down he saw it was a hand. Another hand was ready to support his back.

_What's going on?_ he thought, trying to peer through the foggy haze that clouded his mind.

"It's alright, Alan. Just lie down."

_Why? What's…happening? I don't like this!_

Suddenly the two hands were holding him tightly above his elbows.

_Get off me!_

"Alan, calm down. It's alright."

Whose voice was that? He knew it from somewhere!

It seemed to take a huge amount of effort, but finally he looked up to see the man in front of him. Darren Gallagher. A doctor. A friend. Alan relaxed in Darren's grip once he'd made that connection.

_It's alright. Darren is a friend_.

As he lay back against the pillow, Alan's eyes drifted around the room and for the first time he wondered what was happening.

"Where am I?" he murmured, his throat terribly dry.

Darren suddenly looked at him with concern. "Alan, are you with me?" he asked.

_Where else would I be? Where is here?_ Alan thought. But instead of voicing these thoughts, he replied, "Yeah."

"Alan, you're at my clinic in Boston. Scott brought you in after you were found unconscious at your friend's house. We think you might have taken or been given recreational drugs." Darren explained slowly.

Alan was grateful for this, because right now nothing was making sense. _I was at Don's place. The raves. Josh…he…_

Memories, however foggy, came floating back to him. He tried to focus, but it was as if his brain was made of cotton wool. _Scott came and he…oh God…he knows…Josh was…what's happening?_

Darren must have noticed his stupor, because he began to check Alan's vitals. "Alan, I need to know what drugs you were given. Can you tell me?"

Drugs…yeah…plenty of those…I need them…you don't understand…nobody understands…why do I have to think…oh God…Josh was going to…

A small light flashed into his eyes and he immediately pulled away, groaning. Darren's hand on his cheek pulled him back to face the light. "Alan, I need to do a neuro check. It won't hurt. Just relax."

"Go away," pleaded Alan, trying to will his muscles to obey him so he could escape. He needed to leave, to run before Scott came back. Yet finding the strength to do so seemed impossible.

Hands held him still and Alan's eyes snapped open to see Josh standing over him again.

_Josh's hand slipped under his shirt_. "No! Please! Don't touch…don't touch me!" he begged, tears running down his face.

_Josh only roamed lower, unfastening his belt. _"I can't…please don't!" he sobbed.

_Josh gripped his hips, holding his down as he brought his mouth to Alan's_. "NO! Please! Please don't!" Alan screamed.

_Josh's hand slipped down his jeans while the other held his face. Josh forced him to respond, driving his tongue into his mouth and causing him to gag._ "Please! Somebody help me!"

Suddenly all contact disappeared and Alan curled in on himself, sobbing uncontrollably. He flinched when someone stroked his hair soothingly, but stopped as he recognised the touch. It was a touch he'd run away from these past months; a presence that had been unwanted. But right now, he wanted it more than ever.

"Sc…Scott…" he whispered, his sobs quietening.

"Shhhh, Alan. I'm here. You're safe," said his brother.

Alan didn't want to open his eyes. He didn't want to open them to find Josh still over him. He wanted to stay like this, under the protection of his brother. Scott's strong arms pulled him into a firm embrace. Alan shivered as sweat trickled down his face. Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing.


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello everybody!**

**I hope you had a great Chrissy and New Year! Sorry about the lateness of this chapter, but a horrid spell of writers block is hindering my progress. (Therefore, any ideas and advice would be very much appreciated!) **

**For those asking on the progress of 'Aftermath', the story has been put on hiatus until this one is completed. I find I often forget the purpose of my work if I'm working on too many at once. **

**Thankyou so much once again for all of your really helpful reviews! You support is really touching and the information and advice offered has been incredibly useful! Keep reviewing!**

**Boann xxx**

_How did it come to this? How? After all of the battles we've fought. After everything we've been through. We run a top secret, undercover rescue organisation yet we lack the strength and the courage to act._

_My son. My youngest. My baby boy. All alone battling demons within himself._

_How did it come to this?_

It had been noticed but not investigated. Instead Jeff had turned his back, hoping that it was a passing teenage phase that would miraculously solve itself away from home. Instead it had become a catastrophe.

_Dad...Alan's in trouble...I found him unconscious on recreational drugs...I don't know how long this has been going on...I just found him on a bed_...The pain in Scott's voice had been so clear it had burned. Yet even as Jeff had pressed his son for details, he had seen a flicker of something in Scott's eyes. There was something his older son was still not telling him. But what could be worse than this?

Now, three hours after receiving Scott's call, Jeff stood at the door of Darren's clinic, a suitcase in one hand. He wanted nothing more than to storm through the door and take command. But at the same time he would have given anything to be offered the chance to run away.

His Alan, his boy had been so alone. If Jeff had only been there for him, maybe he wouldn't have resorted to such a cold method of escape. Jeff had given many lectures on his attitude concerning drug abuse. He never thought any of his sons would be so stupid. Yet was it stupidity that made Alan take the drugs, or was it desperation? Nobody had listened to him. Nobody had been there for him. What could have been more tempting than the opportunity to escape from life itself?

Being the youngest, Alan was exposed to much more than mere teasing from his siblings. He had such a weight on his shoulders. A decorated astronaut as a father and four brothers who had achieved assorted feats. It was so much for a teenager to live up to.

Had Jeff actually ever listened to Alan? Had he ever taken the time to find out what Alan wanted to gain from life?

_Things must change_, he concluded firmly to himself. _Things could have been so much worse. It could have ended in tragedy. I have been blessed with an opportunity many don't receive. I have the chance to set things right._

Quietly, he opened the door and stepped inside. He received no welcome, only the silence of the dimly lit hall. Leaving his suitcase by the door, he ventured forwards. Only one door was open, a soft light emanating from the room within. Swallowing, Jeff stood in the doorway.

His youngest son lay curled up on the bed, wrapped securely in blankets. Scott sat on the bed beside him, one hand clasped around Alan's while the other held a wet washcloth to Alan's forehead. Scott looked up as Jeff approached and gave him a small smile, his eyes shining. Darren was sitting at a desk, a coffee beside him as he wrote on a document. He acknowledged Jeff with a grim smile but did not stand to greet him.

Alan was asleep, or at least in some state of unconsciousness. Under closed eyelids, his eyes darted around as if he was having a bad dream. His face was pale and it was clear he had a fever. An I.V line had been inserted into his left hand, which rested beside his face on the pillow. Perhaps the worst reminder of his ordeal was the heart monitor beeping on a stand next to the bed.

Jeff stood next to his son and reached out to rest a hand on the top of his head, stroking his hair. "How is he?" Jeff asked, quietly.

"Stable so far," was Scott's husky reply. Jeff could tell he was angry. They all were. Angry at themselves.

Jeff turned to Darren, who had finally left his desk to stand at the other side of the bed. "A blood test confirmed that Alan had taken a fair amount of ecstasy. Also, he was at some point this evening injected with another substance. The puncture mark is visible on the crook of his elbow on his left arm. This substance was a homemade concoction. It's becoming quite common nowadays. In order to experience new sensations, some people mix certain drugs. Naturally this crude experimentation can be unpredictable, which is why we're keeping such a close eye on him. Also I've done some testing for diseases that may have been transmitted by the needle.

His heart rate is up a little, as is his breathing, but that is to be expected. He has a fever but with rest he should be fine. However, a lot could happen in the next twenty-four hours. I recommend Alan stays here and stays within the vicinity of a hospital over the next few days, just to be safe."

Jeff consumed all of this with a bitter taste in his mouth. _It could be worse_, he told himself. "Thankyou, Darren."

Darren nodded, then said, "I'll go and get you a coffee."

_Coffee my arse_, Jeff thought. He'd known Darren too long to fall for that charade, but he was appreciative to his old friend for giving his family some space.

But once Jeff and Scott were finally alone, all that ensued was silence. Both knew what the other wanted to say.

_What went wrong? How could we have been so blind? Why didn't we do more?_

But before Scott could begin, Jeff murmured, "It's too late to question the past. We need to focus on the future so that we don't repeat the mistake."

Scott nodded. "Dad," he started, softly. "When Darren began examining Alan, he was pretty out of it, but he did recognise who Darren was. Then suddenly, Alan panicked. He started yelling for Darren not to touch him and in the end he worked himself up into such a state that Darren couldn't go anywhere near him for at least an hour. I managed to calm Alan down because…"

Jeff nodded his understanding. "I know," he said. To Alan, Scott would have been a source of protection. Since Alan was a baby, he'd gone to Scott for safety. Scott was the one he most admired. Scott was the one he would cling to as a child during a storm. It reassured Jeff that, despite everything that had happened, Alan had searched fro Scott's protection.

"In the end I had to do the blood tests," said Scott. "Dad, you remember what I told all of you during the telecall?"

Jeff frowned, confused. "You told us that you'd found Alan collapsed at the house. Why bring that up again?"

Scott licked his lips, as if nervous, and admitted what Jeff had suspected. "I didn't tell you everything. I found Alan stretched out on a bed with another boy. The guy was a lot older than him, he must have been about nineteen, and he was…straddling him, Dad," Scott told him.

Jeff's frown deepened and anger boiled within him. "Why didn't you tell me this before?" he demanded.

"Dad, Alan's been through enough as it is," Scott reasoned. "I thought the least I could do was not broadcast that he'd been sexually assaulted."

Jeff counted to ten. "Has Darren done an examination?"

"Yes," was Scott's reply. "There were no signs of rape. It seems I came through the door before that could happen."

"Thank God for that," Jeff mused. "So that was why he panicked when he was touched by Darren?"

Scott nodded. "He's got bruises on his arms and finger marks on his stomach, hips and legs but there doesn't appear to be any lasting damage," he said, before adding "Physically."

For a long time the two silently tended to Alan; the heart monitor's foreboding beeping was the only sound that disturbed the stillness.

TBTBTBTBTBTBTBTBTB

"John, get me down!"

"Gordon, calm down. You know I can't do that," John reasoned.

Gordon bristled angrily. It seemed his pleas and protests were getting him nowhere. But the fact that he hadn't yet obtained victory didn't stop him. It never did. John had been the unlucky soul who answered Gordon's persistent telecalls and for Gordon, it was excruciating. It seemed that even in dire circumstances John could somehow control his temper and impatience-and it drove Gordon crazy.

"Look, it's bad enough Dad went to Boston without us, you can't expect me to just sit here!" Gordon griped.

"Dad left no instruction to bring you home, Gordon. I'm sorry," John told him in a gentle voice.

By now Gordon's frustration had reached an all time high, and the confusion wasn't helping the situation either. Gordon and Alan had been joined at the hip since their early childhood days. The fact that Gordon could not be there for his little brother now was heartbreaking for him.

"I don't give a damn! John, come up here and get me or so help me that Nair in your shampoo will seem like nothing!" Gordon yelled. _Who am I kidding?_ he thought. _I am lousy at threatening._

The look on John's face expressed his agreement with Gordon's thoughts.

Now Gordon could only resort to begging his brother. "Please, John. I can't just sit here. You of all people should know what it's like. I feel so helpless up here…"Gordon trailed off, not trusting himself to mask the emotion in his voice. He was only willing to reveal so much to John. But at the same time, he wanted nothing more than to fall from space to cry on John's shoulder.

Defeated, Gordon rested his elbows on the control desk with his head in his hands. His eyes filled with tears and he sniffled as quietly as he could.

"Gordon."

John's soothing voice filled Thunderbird 5, but Gordon ignored it. He wasn't ready to face John again. He waited until the tears had dried on his face before lifting his head to face the screen. He was shocked to see tear marks on John's face.

"Please, talk to me," said John. "I can't bring you home but I can listen. We need to do more of that, especially now."

Gordon tried to smile at his brother's attempt at comfort, but all he managed was a teary grimace. He looked down at the control desk, where his hands trembled. He locked his fingers together in an attempt to stop it. "When Alan and I were little…I guess you could say we made a pact. It was pretty stupid, I was only about eight years old and Alan was five. But it felt special, you know? We wrote it out on a piece of paper and everything. Every year we would add things to it…new promises we made to each other."

Gordon swallowed, then shook himself, reminding himself to get to the point. "We haven't written anything on it in…God I can't even remember the last time we…" He sighed. "I guess, what I mean is…Alan and I haven't promised each other anything and it feels wrong, especially after something like this. You know, we never reaffirmed that, even as we grow older, we'd talk to each other. Even promising to listen to each other was too difficult simply because we weren't kids anymore.

"I've lost what connection I had with him and…I know it could have…I know it…" Gordon couldn't continue. He let the tears flow freely, but he didn't look up. It was done. He'd blown it. He'd revealed all. If only what he had said would fly over John's head…

"Gordon, look at me."

…No such luck.

Reluctantly Gordon obeyed.

John looked him in the eye. "This was not your fault," he said firmly. "You of all people cannot be blamed for this. It was a physical distance, not emotional distance that prevented you from noticing the signs."

Gordon let out a harsh sigh. "But I could have at least talked to him! You guys told me you thought something was wrong! Hell, even Fermat told me Alan was acting strange! I was so selfish, I just thought that it was another one of his weird teenager things, I didn't know he would…"

"Gordon! Stop it or so help me I will leave you up in space for the next month!" John yelled.

Gordon's eyes widened in surprise. John never lost his temper. John never raised his voice.

On the other end of the screen John rubbed his face with his hands, before adding softly. "Please, enough. We can't keep doing this. Passing blame and feeling sorry for ourselves…it's going to kill us."

Gordon nodded sadly.

Suddenly, Brains appeared behind John's shoulder. "Gordon, prep…prep…be ready for departure. John will be up shortly," he said.

Gordon frowned in confusion. "But, Brains…"

"Gordon, let's fa…fa…be logical. We don't know what's going to occ…occ…happen from here. Until th…th…everything has settled I will take the shift. I will also t…t…bring Fermat and Tintin with me. It will definitely h…h…assist their training and it'll give your family, and Alan, a little room. I'm sure the last thing Alan wants is ev…ev…too many people hovering around him asking questions and making judgements."

Gordon nodded, his appreciation towards the stuttering scientist was immeasurable. "Thankyou Brains. I'll be ready," he said. "Do you want me to call Dad and let him know?"

John shook his head. "He'll call us when he's ready."

_Sure he will_, mused Gordon. _But how long will that take?_


	16. Chapter 16

**Hello again everyone!**

**I'm terribly sorry about making you wait weeks for this chapter! I'm touched that, despite how frustrating the waiting was, you still took the time to review and encourage me to post again. Thankyou so much! Only two more chapters to go! I'd better get writing!**

**Love always, Boann**

Consciousness wasn't welcomed. Although his memories were a mess and his thoughts were tangled, upon opening his eyes Alan could not ignore the realisation of where he was and what had happened. He couldn't pretend it was a dream, nor could he pay no attention to his father's presence. Alan wanted nothing more than to disappear.

He felt like he'd been run over by The Mole. His stomach cramped, his mouth was parched and his head throbbed mercilessly. He blinked in the harsh light, recognising the clinic of Darren Gallagher. He hadn't been here since he was twelve, but he knew it well. Despite the circumstances, he was thankful for the seclusion of Darren's clinic. The thought of a busy hospital with intrusive, meddling doctors made his stomach churn.

Speaking of which…

His stomach cramped horribly and without warning he gagged. It was this sensation that brought back the horrid memories and feelings. At first nothing came up, but no sooner had he moved than a pair of strong arms were around him, sitting him up and holding a small bowl in front of him. Alan trembled as he vomited, but he was held steady by the arms.

_The drugs…_

_His father…_

_Josh!_

The onslaught of memories brought about a new brutal attack of nausea. Alan screwed up his face in pain. It felt like someone was wringing out his stomach! Finally he had nothing left to bring up. Coughing, he tried to suppress the gags that were intent on continuing their assault. Then suddenly a hand, warm and soothing, began rubbing his back. He knew that touch.

"Da…" he croaked, now aware of a new burning sensation in his throat.

His father didn't say anything, but instead pulled him close. Alan collapsed against his father's chest, exhausted.

He didn't move and for the next few minutes, or even hours, his father didn't let him go; as if the past no longer mattered. Everything that had happened, everything he'd done was forgotten as father and son held each other. Alan buried his face into his father's neck, breathing in the familiar scent of Jeff's aftershave and, for the first time in months, welcoming his presence. Slowly his eyes began to drift closed and he was at peace.

TBTBTBTBTBTBTBTB

Jeff held Alan close, not letting him go even when it was clear that his son was asleep. The warmth that radiated from Alan warned him of a growing fever but the trembles that had racked his frail body had all but disappeared. He did not call Scott, whom was sleeping in the chair at Darren's desk, nor did he call Darren, whom had retreated to his private pharmacy for some unknown business. He just wanted to be alone with his son, clinging to the moment.

An hour later, Alan stirred again and his blue eyes had fluttered open. After a moment he looked up at Jeff and the two shared a silent gaze. It was not until the tears streamed from Alan's eyes that the two broke down, quietly sobbing as they held each other. Jeff's silent sobbing only increased as he heard Alan's muffled voice cry, "I'm sorry…I can't…Dad…please…don't be…I didn't mean…I didn't know what…!"

Jeff finally shook himself, resting his chin on Alan's head as he softly comforted his son. "It's ok…shhhh…I'm here…don't be afraid Alan…shhhh…"

Jeff looked over his shoulder at Scott, who had risen from his sleep. For a moment he was annoyed at Scott's intrusion, but he reminded himself of just how easily Scott could wake himself to care for one of his siblings. Scott took a seat next to his father, careful not to scare his brother, and waited patiently.

Eventually Alan's sobs ceased, and Jeff gently released him, tucking back into bed. He maintained a firm grip on Alan's hand and gently stroked his hair. "I'm sorry," he murmured.

Alan suddenly let out another sob and his eyes began to water once more. "No…it was me…it was all my…"

Jeff hushed him before he could finish. "We're all to blame. I ignored you when you needed me the most," he said.

"We all did," said Scott, his voice thick with emotion.

"Please, Alan," Jeff implored. "I need to know why."

Alan looked up at the ceiling and for a long time didn't speak at all. Finally he whimpered, "I needed to escape…from everything. You, my brothers, International Rescue, all of it. I felt like…like I had no other way. I thought that you…you didn't want me; that I was just…I'm just stupid!"

Jeff shook his head in horror at his son's thoughts. _How could I have made him believe that I didn't love him?_ "That's not true," he assured.

Alan's breath hitched with each word. "For…for the first time I felt…I felt wanted…Will, he and the others…they all had problems like me and…"

"And they offered you an escape," finished Scott.

Alan nodded, his eyes still averting Jeff and Scott. Jeff squeezed his son's hand. The question that was burning inside him felt cruel and unfair to ask, but he needed to know. "Why didn't you talk to us?" he asked, gently.

Rather than seeing Alan withdraw at the question, he saw a flash of anger in Alan's eyes. But after a second it was gone and Alan looked down. "I don't know," he murmured.

"Alan." Jeff's voice was pleading.

"Look Dad," Alan's tone matched his father's. "I can't."

Jeff's first instinct was to let it go. _But that's how we got into this mess in the first place_, he reminded himself. "I need to know, son," he said firmly.

TBTBTBTBTBTBTBTBTB

It hurt. It hurt a lot. But afterwards Alan felt like a huge weight had been lifted. His heart no longer felt like a stone in his chest. By the time he'd finished, Alan had collapsed back on to his pillows, exhausted. He'd told his father everything. He'd never seen his father cry until today. He had never even _imagined_ his father crying until today.

After he'd finished, his father and brother told him their side of the story. What they had noticed. How they had felt. What had happened that night. How they had found him…with Josh. Alan's tears returned at that. That was something he'd wanted to hide from his family. The embarrassment was too painful. And because he was unsure as to how far Josh had gotten before Scott found them, Darren had to perform an examination, just to be safe. It was immensely uncomfortable and humiliating, but his Dad held his hand throughout, murmuring reassurances to him. Apart from some bruising, Darren could find nothing wrong.

"What about the concoction Josh gave him?" asked Jeff.

"Well, the only noticable symptoms have been relatively docile. Tiredness, disorientation and the like. I believe it was merely something to keep Alan in a position where he could not cause Josh any trouble. The drug has almost completely disappeared from Alan's bloodstream," replied Darren.

After Alan had calmed and been settled Darren stayed awhile to tell him what to expect over the next few weeks.

"You'll begin to experience withdrawal symptoms over the days to come, Alan. Some of them may be frightening for you, but I'm afraid they're all normal for someone experiencing withdrawal. You could suffer tremors, heart palpitations, nausea, stomach cramps and headaches.

"Jeff, obviously any medications in the house must be kept out of Alan's reach. Alan can use regular family medicine to take care of the pain, but you and your family must keep a close eye on the dosage. Don't give him more than one dose every six hours."

Alan was growing annoyed. Why was Darren acting like he wasn't even in the room? Didn't he have faith that he could get through this?

Suddenly Alan became frightened. _Can I do this? I've relied on drugs for so long. How will I start over without them?_

Taking a shaky inhalation, Alan quelled his fear. He had to do this.

Finally, Darren left them alone and Alan snuggled back down, intent on not being disturbed again. Jeff grasped his hand whilst Scott rubbed his shoulder comfortingly. Alan's last thoughts before he fell asleep were a jumble of excitement and dread at tomorrow's journey home.


	17. Chapter 17

**Hello again!**

**Quite a short chapter, but I felt this scene was crucial. Thankyou again for your patience and thankyou so much for all of your lovely reviews!**

**Boann xxx**

The trip home was relatively uneventful. But when he arrived back on the island, Alan was confronted with the demons he would have to face.

He hugged all of his brothers and tears were shed. Before they had landed, Jeff instructed him not to answer any questions he didn't want to. But as soon as he saw the looks on his brother's faces he broke down and confessed everything. Nobody interrupted him, for which he was immensely thankful.

After everyone had calmed down considerably, Scott took him to his room and put him to bed. Alan fell asleep with Scott at his bedside.

Hours later, Alan woke to find himself alone. Sunlight was streaming in through his balcony doors but he soon realised that that was not what had woken him. Pushing off his blankets he tore out of bed and into his bathroom. He barely made it to the toilet before he began vomiting. Fiery bolts attacked his abdomen, his insides wrenching with each heave. He couldn't stop. After a few minutes, he had nothing left to bring up, but his retching didn't cease. Alan panicked. He needed a pill, just one! But then the realisation that he would be denied that wish brought on a whole new spell of panic. He couldn't breathe! He coughed, trying to pull air into his lungs but it was no use. The world started swimming in front of him.

Suddenly hands were on his shoulders, pulling him on to the cold tiles. He was rolled on to his side and a hand was under his chin, pulling his head up. Someone was rubbing his side, telling him to relax; to breathe. The touch and the sound of a voice encouraged Alan to calm down. His gags eventually ceased and he lay panting on the floor. As disorientated as he was, Alan looked up to see who was with him. Gordon knelt beside him, his mouth moving to make a 'Shhhh' sound that Alan could barely hear.

Gordon began stroking Alan's hair, something he used to do as a child. Alan relished the touch. He closed his eyes and focused on breathing. The stomach cramps had not yet dissipated and Alan cowered into a foetal position in an effort to ease the pain. At this point, Gordon's hand returned to his shoulder, shaking him gently. Alan opened his eyes and focused on his brother.

"Come on," murmured Gordon. "Let's get you back to bed."

Gordon helped him walk unsteadily back to his bed and began to tuck him in. Alan groaned and pushed the heavier covers away, leaving him covered only by the sheet. Gordon disappeared for a moment, returning with painkillers, a glass of water and a heat pack. At the sight of a pill, Alan's excitement soared. But immediately he was ashamed.

_I have to fight this!_ he thought. _But it's so hard!_ said another voice in his head.

Alan sat up, trembling as he took the pill before settling down again with the heat pack wedged against his stomach. The bed dipped a little as Gordon sat beside him and resumed stroking his hair.

Alan left his eyes open slightly, trying to relax. _Why am I so tired?_ he thought. He stole a glance at Gordon, who was looking at him with concern.

"You alright?" he asked, softly.

Alan was about to nod, but then murmured, "No."

Gordon nodded sympathetically and stopped stroking his hair. Instead he rested his arm over Alan's midsection, his hand on Alan's hip.

_Josh gripped his hips, holding his down as he brought his mouth to Alan's_

Alan's eyes widened and something inside him snapped. He cried out and pulled away as if Gordon had struck him. Any hope of maintaining his steady breathing was lost as he fell into a full-blown panic attack. He pushed himself away over to the other side of his double bed, away from the figure in front of him. Something inside him was telling him not to be afraid, that it was just Gordon. But his memories awoke much stronger feelings. He pulled himself up against the head of the bed, drawing his knees to his chest and cowering like a small child.

TBTBTBTBTBTBTB

The moment his brother pulled away from him, Gordon was scared. It had been such a small gesture, something that Alan had been familiar with all his life. Yet instead of finding comfort, Alan had cried out as if it had hurt.

Gordon stood up and took a few steps away, wanting to give his brother space. His father had told them what to expect. But Alan had never pulled away from him before. Immediately, Gordon wanted to rush out of the room. But he had been warned not respond that way. Darren Gallagher had given Jeff a list of circumstances and how to react to them should they occur. Jeff had let them all read it and they'd had a discussion about it. Now Gordon was putting his own courage to the test. Instead of running, he spoke in a gentle, soft voice to his little brother. "Alan. Alan, it's me. It's Gordon. You don't need to be afraid," he said, taking slow, deliberate steps around the bed towards Alan. Alan's breath came in short gasps, but Gordon could see his voice was getting through.

"It's alright. Don't be scared. I'm not going to hurt you," he gently assured. He bent down on his knees on the floor at Alan's side, looking up at his brother. "Alan, look at me," he said, gazing up to try and initiate eye contact. At first Alan looked away from him, but slowly his bloodshot eyes rested on Gordon's.

Gordon nodded encouragingly. "That's it. It's ok. I'm sorry if I scared you," he said, keeping his voice soft and gentle.

Alan still looked nervous, but he nodded slightly, indicating he understood what Gordon was saying. Although he had gotten through, Gordon still wasn't comfortable. His first instinct was to touch his brother, to reassure him he was there. But that would be a big mistake. Instead he reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper he had been carrying around for the last few days.

"I've got something for you," he said, holding the paper out for Alan.

At first Alan looked unwilling to trust him, but slowly he uncurled himself from his position and took the paper from Gordon, opening it with trembling hands. Alan frowned, then gave a small smile, murmuring, "The Pact? I haven't seen this in a long time."

Gordon returned his smile. "I figured we could bring it out again and maybe…"

Alan nodded in agreement; a welcome reminder of how the two could communicate without words. Tentatively, Alan shifted back to the other side of the bed and patted the area he had just vacated as an invitation for Gordon to sit down. Gordon moved deliberately and cautiously so as not to frighten Alan again, before nestling down next to his brother. Alan held out the paper and Gordon smiled. The list consisted of many things they had promised over the years. Two wobbly signatures marked the bottom of the yellowing page. He waited for Alan to say something; to notice the alteration he'd made. It didn't take his brother too long to see what he'd added.

Alan read it aloud. "I promise you'll never be alone." Gordon licked his lips nervously, awaiting Alan's reaction. He was mildly surprised when Alan snuggled closer to him, murmuring "Deal."


	18. Epilogue

**Well, everyone, this is it. With a relieved sigh and a tear in my eye, I bid Pure Ecstasy farewell. I just want to take a moment to express my overwhelming gratitude for the continuous support, encouragment, advice and comments from you all. Without you, this fic wouldn't have achieved what it has. I also want to thank you for being patient and understanding when it came to the sometimes fragile themes in this story. **

**I present to you the final chapter, and hope you find it a fitting end to this journey, as I have.**

**Always, Boann**

It would have been nice to say that, after loose ends had been tied and bridges had been rebuilt within the Tracy family, everything went back to normal. But this was far from the truth.

From day one, Alan suffered from the withdrawal symptoms. The headaches and tremors were dealt with easily enough but the stomach cramps and nausea were excruciating. It wasn't an unusual thing to be up in the early hours of the morning helping Alan deal with the pain and the fear.

Often Alan would try to hide his suffering, not wanting to burden the rest of the island with his misery. One night he had stayed up for six hours, huddled on his bathroom floor, trying to silence his retching and agonised whimpers. It was only thanks to the fact that Jeff was an early riser that he had found his son. After settling Alan down to sleep, Jeff had consulted Darren's notes and, after a private talk with Alan, deduced the situation. Jeff had immediately put a stop to this behaviour, telling Alan sternly that he wouldn't get well again unless he accepted the support of his family. He understood that Alan was scared. But the withdrawal wasn't merely dealing with the physical pain. Some things lay deeper and it was only through expressing the emotional pain could Alan, and the rest of the family, truly heal from the whole ordeal.

Over the week, it had seemed that, despite a few hiccups, everyone was recovering. However, hopes were once again dashed the night the Thunderbirds returned to save the day. Jeff and his boys, Alan excluded, had left for a mission early one morning, and upon return found that Alan had finally broken. John, who had been left behind to keep an eye on his brother and provide him with familiar company, had found Alan attempting to break into the infirmary's pharmacy of medical supplies. John, like the rest of the family, had no doubts of his intentions. John had apparently confronted Alan and tried to steer him away from the infirmary, only to have his efforts rewarded with a black eye and a swollen cheekbone.

After a session of panicked frenzy and tears on Alan's part, the boy had finally realised what he'd done and had spent a good day constantly hounding John to forgive him, however much John had tried to convince him that he wasn't angry. After a couple of days, things calmed down again and Jeff was pleased to see that Alan seemed even more determined to defeat his demons. Although Jeff wasn't confident enough yet to allow Alan to rejoin the Thunderbirds out on the field, he was happy to let him enjoy life again. Simple activities like playing a game of volleyball in the pool with his brothers made Alan smile again. Although he would often tire quickly, Alan seemed much more at ease, especially around his brothers. He even began talking to Kirano and Onaha, whom, up until this point, he had stayed clear of. It was reassuring to Jeff to see his son's natural confidence returning.

Finally, normal routine was reintegrated. Brains, Fermat and Tintin returned to base and John, much to his displeasure, returned to Thunderbird 5. The night of Fermat's return, Jeff strode the halls on a mission to send his youngest to bed when he overheard the two talking in Fermat's room. Jeff had hovered outside the door, listening to their conversation.

"I just wanted you to know," Alan had said, softly. "I was selfish."

"I'm sorry too, Alan. I sh…sh…I should've helped you, not ignored you," Fermat had stuttered.

"No, it was my fault. You were always there for me, but I dismissed you like you didn't matter. I somehow believed that Will and the boys were good for me and I ditched you for them. It was stupid of me. And I guess I was jealous…"

"J…j…of what?"

"Of how you'd covered for my mistake, on that mission…God it seems like ages ago now. I screwed up and when you came to my rescue I ended up being the one who looked like a fool and I was angry at you for that, though it wasn't your fault. You saved my butt, Ferm."

"It's ok, Alan. I think we both a…a…concur that we were both at fault."

"But Fermat…"

"No, Alan. You should have listened to those who wanted to h…h…assist you and I should have t…t…said something instead of ignoring the problem. Like I've said before, we make quite a pair. Hard for me to t…t…talk…"

"Hard for me to listen."

Jeff had heard his son give a relieved sigh and upon hearing that had left the boys alone. From that night on, Alan and Fermat had resumed their old ways; a huge improvement given Alan's emotional state.

Three weeks to the day that Alan had returned home, Jeff was surprised to see his son standing in the doorway of his office. It had just gone past midnight and his son should have been in bed. Concerned that Alan's physical sickness had gotten worse or that a nightmare had woken him, Jeff had invited him in and sat him down. It was then Alan had handed him a clipping from a week-old newspaper. It was a notice welcoming friends and family to attend the funeral of Pete Sanders. Alan had explained to Jeff that the boy had been one of Alan's friends involved with drugs and that Scott had told him that, upon arriving at the house, he had seen a boy matching Pete's description being taken away in an ambulance. By putting the two together, Alan had surmised Pete's cause of death. The funeral was scheduled for the following day, and Alan had expressed his wishes to attend.

Jeff had willingly honoured his son's request and flown out with him to the States. Unavoidably, Alan wasn't the only friend of Pete's to attend the ceremony, but Jeff made sure that none of the boys had a chance to talk to Alan. They had, however, talked to Pete's parents to express their condolences. The grieving couple had revealed that Pete's cause of death had indeed been a drug overdose. Jeff had gone to escort Alan to the car when Alan suddenly revealed to the grieving couple that he had nearly suffered Pete's fate. Jeff had been overwhelmed with pride at hearing Alan express his gratitude for being given a second chance, and that Pete had taught him a lot about life. He also promised that Pete would never be forgotten. Pete's mother had hugged Alan tightly, expressing her gratitude and Pete's father had shaken Alan's hand, thankful for being reassured their son's death had given hope to others.

Afterwards, Jeff and Alan had left for home. Despite his emotional release at the funeral, Alan had been strangely detached, as if he was battling with a decision. A few days later, Jeff discovered what it was. He stood by Alan's side as his son placed an anonymous call to the police in Boston, telling them the whereabouts of a drug dealer: Josh Mitchell. In the newspaper two days later, they read of Josh's bust. The police had found him growing, manufacturing and selling drugs to minors and he was facing up to nine years in jail.

The day after Josh was convicted, Alan had requested they visit the mainland one more time. As much as the rest of the family expressed their doubts over Alan's newest mission, Jeff escorted him to Boston Correctional Facility.

Now Alan waited outside the visitors' room, trying to muster the courage to step through the door. This man had humiliated him and nearly killed him. And that was why Alan had to face him. He took a deep breath. He was ready to banish the last of his demons.

"Are you sure you don't want me there with you?" Jeff asked once more.

Alan shook his head. "I'll be back in a few minutes," he said. He walked into the room and sat down in front of a bench with glass in front of it.

Opposite the glass sat Josh, his eyes still gleaming with the confidence he had used to manipulate everyone he knew. "They said I had a visitor," he said. "But you're the last person I expected. What do you want?"

Alan looked up at him. "You think I'm afraid of you? You're pathetic. You're a liar. I don't want anything from you and I never will," he said, summoning all of his strength just to keep his voice from shaking.

Josh flashed a smile. "Come on, Alan. Why are you here? You didn't fly all the way to Boston from you're little island just to insult me," he sneered.

Alan swallowed, all feelings of bravery gone. "I just had to see you again," he replied, softly.

Josh gave him a sorrowful expression. "Aw, I'm touched. You missed me that much?"

Alan ignored him. "I had to see you behind bars for myself and smile," he growled.

Josh's eyes narrowed for a moment, before his grin returned. "Well, you can thank the _anonymous_ caller for me being here," he said, bitterly. He leaned forward up against the glass barrier, his eyes burning into Alan's. "But you what, Alan? My sentence doesn't last forever. And when I get out, I'm going to hunt that _anonymous_ caller down, and I'm going to make him suffer. You understand?"

Alan's stomach churned. _He knows…_He tried to keep a neutral face but as Josh's taunts continued, his shields slowly fell.

"I'm going to find you again, Alan. You can't hide on your little island forever. I will get out, and when I do, I'm going to make your life hell," he threatened.

"And what about Don? Have you killed him yet or are you waiting until your sentence ends for that too?" asked Alan.

Josh chuckled. "Yeah, you'd better hope that Don doesn't find you before I do, Tracy. Because he's bent on finding the rat that put his favourite cousin in jail," he warned. "But don't worry," Josh added at the look on Alan's face. "He's moving out of Wharton, so you'll have a head start at running."

"He's leaving?" Alan couldn't hide his disbelief.

"Yeah, most of the gang has gone AWOL after what happened to poor Pete."

"You son of a bitch," hissed Alan. "You killed him and you don't even care!"

"He killed himself," corrected Josh. "I made an offer and he made the decision. I can't be blamed for that."

Alan gave him a feral smile. "Yeah, too bad the courts didn't see it that way," he said, satisfaction swelling inside him at the look on Josh's face.

Josh stayed silent for a minute, looking into Alan's eyes in a contest for dominance. Eventually, he smiled again. "You couldn't bear it could you? You couldn't live with the humiliation so you decided to come here all macho and try to blame me for your problems."

Alan frowned. "What are you talking about?"

Josh's smile turned sly. "Oh come on Alan? We made a great pair didn't we? That night, you remember? When we were alone…together. I treated you so good and you couldn't bear not being able to have that again."

"You're disgusting…" Alan murmured, his voice breaking at the memories.

"And you're ashamed of the way you feel. You loved it, Alan. Our bodies touching, my hands on you, you moaned and you cried for more," Josh sneered.

"You're a liar," spat Alan.

"How would you know that, Alan? You weren't exactly sound of mind were you?"

"Shut up…"

"Don't worry, Alan, when I find you again, we'll have some more fun," whispered Josh.

Alan couldn't stand it any longer. He rose from his seat, his jaw clenching. "Enjoy prison," he said through gritted teeth.

Josh only smiled again. "Oh I'll be thinking about you," he replied.

Without another word, Alan stormed out. Jeff sat in a chair waiting for him, but he didn't go to his father. Instead he kept walking. He needed to get outside. He felt like the walls of the building were closing in on him. He heard his father calling to him but he didn't stop. He pushed through the doors of the Centre and stumbled out onto the sidewalk, gasping.

Was what Josh had said true? Was he going to find him again? Would he have to look over his shoulder until then? Would he be safe at Wharton anymore?

"Alan?"

He snapped out of his daze to see Jeff standing in front of him, holding his shoulders. "Alan, what happened?" asked Jeff, worry written all over his features.

Alan took a shaky breath in. "I'm ok. Sorry," he murmured.

Jeff didn't look convinced. "What happened?" he repeated.

Alan was asking himself the same question, and therefore couldn't bring himself to reply. His head thumped, a reminder of what had happened to him and what he had yet to endure.

Jeff hugged him. "Are you okay?" he whispered.

_No_, thought Alan. _But I will be_.

He pulled away from his father and smiled. "Come on, Dad. Let's go home."

**The End**


End file.
